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Have you ever experienced true love? Yesterday I visited my Aunt, it has been five weeks now since she lost her true love. I can't imagine losing my soul mate, spending 42 years of my life with them, only to lose them. The words, "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all," comes to mind. As much as I know she hurts right now, if I were to ask her if she would do it all over again, she would most definitely say yes.
I have visited with her several times over the past five weeks. Her heart grieves so deeply, deeper than I can truly comprehend. She has had some really tough days, and I know she has more ahead of her. Saturday she received a phone call from someone who did not have knowledge of my Uncle's passing, she picked up the phone and was asked if Leon was there. I can imagine in her heart, for a brief second it probably felt so normal, picking up the phone and hearing someone ask to speak to Leon. But then, it all came crashing down on her as reality set in, she began to explain his death to the person on the other end of the phone. She spent the next few hours making phone calls, and trying to find someone to talk to. She just needed someone, anyone. Every number she dialed, it seemed no one was available, leaving her alone to think about everything she did not want to think about at that moment.
I went to visit her yesterday, we spent an hour talking to each other. She was able to spend the day with a friend and get out of the house. I was fixing to leave, and she told me to hold on a minute. I walked back to her bedroom with her, she had been going through some of his clothes and wanted me to take some of them to my dad. She had 2 shirts lying on the bed, and she picked them up and asked me to smell of them. She picked up one held it to her face and breathed in through her nose, she said this one still has the smell of his cologne. She picked up the next one and once again lifted it to her face before asking me to smell of the shirt. She said this one has been washed, but it still smells just like him. The shirts were lying on her bed because she sleeps with them at night. She wants to be able to smell him lying next to her while she sleeps.
As much as she hurts, she would never wish this hurt on him. She told me that if one of them had to go before the other, she was glad it happened the way it did. She said she would have never wished this kind of hurt on him, and feared that she did not feel it would have been something he could have handled. That is true love. Every second she grieves for him, she proves the love she has for him.
I know I have the same love in my life. My husband never misses a moment of showing his love to me and appreciating me. Sometimes I catch him just staring at me, and there is the most loving smile on his face. I know there is nothing he wouldn't do for me. He doesn't talk about how pretty women on TV are, he always lets me know how beautiful he thinks I am. He always makes me feel as though I am the only girl he wants to look at and be with. I don't feel like I have to measure up to all of the other beautiful women in the world. I love my husband with all my heart, and I know one day one of was will be grieving the same way that my Aunt grieves today. But our love is worth it all.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
It's not an ordinary day
As our pastor said today, it's our choice to make this an ordinary day. It was not an ordinary day for my house. It's not even an ordinary week. Today I taught the kids that we all have choices to make. We must choose to brush our teeth everyday, if not our teeth become ugly, and they begin to hurt. We must choose to feed ourselves everyday, because if we don't our bodies become weak, and we will not survive. You may be wondering what choices my family made this week to make it an un-ordinary week for us.
First I want to say that I am so proud of my husband, because he is choosing to live a healthier lifestyle, he no longer must take blood pressure medications. We would think that little things like watching what we eat so we could be healthier would seem an easy task, but it's not. I know I have an addiction to food, i just love the taste of certain foods. My husband and I were talking, and we decided that we should not think of food as something we desire to have, yet it is fuel for our bodies. I know it has not been an easy choice for my husband to make on a daily basis, but he is starting to feel so much better.
Second, I want to say that as a parent this is one of the proudest days of my life. Matt and I have been talking to Zach and praying with Zach all week. the other night, I watched Matt as he taught Zach how to build a bird house. It became a lot more than a father and son working in the shop, that night his daddy taught him much more than how to build a bird house. That night his daddy also taught him how to accept Jesus into his life. The week went on and Matt and I continued to pray with him and teaching him that he was the only one who could make this decision in his life. Tonight I sat in the floor, with my baby boy sitting in my lap. Tears streaming down my face, I began to explain to him that I knew the day he was born that God had special plans for his life. Time and time again God has spoke to Matt and I through our son. As I began talking to him about the salvation of Jesus Christ, he began to cry. Wiping the tears from his eyes, and the tears still streaming down my face, he told me he was ready to accept Jesus into his heart. He wanted his Daddy to come and pray with him, and Matt lead him through accepting Christ into his heart.
My family will all be together in heaven some day. What a great peace and great joy for my family, knowing that we have all made that decision. It is not an ordinary day in the Duke house. Soon my daughter and son will be baptized together, and I will cherish this very un-ordinary day for the rest of my life. I am thankful for the love of Jesus Christ, my heart is so overwhelmed with joy right now that I can't even think of the right words to say. Other than I am very thankful for this most wonderful day.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
When God Speaks..........
Isn't it nice when someone calls you just to say hello, and to let you know they are thinking about you. I know it means so much to me, to get an e-mail with words that were meant especially for me, or a phone call. It means even more when God takes time to let me know he is thinking about me, and lets me know that he cares. I have days that my head is sometimes filled with doubt, or stress, and then someone will send an e-mail and say, "I don't know why but I have had you on my heart all day and I have been praying for you." That day, my uncle had passed away and this person did not know it. But I could hear God saying, "hey, I'm here and I'm taking care of you," audibly through someone else. I'm a kid like that sometimes. Wanting my daddy to give me a hug and tell me he loves me and just assuring me that everything is going to be OK.
We all have days when we feel so much less than ideal for anything God wants to use us for. I can't tell you how many times another friend of mine has come to me at church and said, " I really feel like I am suppose to pray for you," not knowing why or what was going on, but almost everytime I would sit there with tears streaming down my face as I listened to my heavenly daddy speaking to me once again. My friend did not know why she was praying or what she was praying about. I thank God for friends that are obedient to God. I thank God for speaking to me through my brothers and sisters in Christ. Every time he speaks to me, I feel as though he is telling me his grace is sufficient, and I am sufficient to do God's work and that no matter what he is my daddy and he loves me.
Next time you feel like God is telling you to pray for someone or call someone, be obedient. They may need to hear what their heavenly daddy is trying to say to them. They may need a little lifting up.
Have a blessed day.
We all have days when we feel so much less than ideal for anything God wants to use us for. I can't tell you how many times another friend of mine has come to me at church and said, " I really feel like I am suppose to pray for you," not knowing why or what was going on, but almost everytime I would sit there with tears streaming down my face as I listened to my heavenly daddy speaking to me once again. My friend did not know why she was praying or what she was praying about. I thank God for friends that are obedient to God. I thank God for speaking to me through my brothers and sisters in Christ. Every time he speaks to me, I feel as though he is telling me his grace is sufficient, and I am sufficient to do God's work and that no matter what he is my daddy and he loves me.
Next time you feel like God is telling you to pray for someone or call someone, be obedient. They may need to hear what their heavenly daddy is trying to say to them. They may need a little lifting up.
Have a blessed day.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Words not spoken......
As you have read my last few blogs, death weighs heavily on my mind. I sat with my Aunt yesterday and listened as she talked. Some things that she said really lies heavy on my heart. She said if she had only known that day was going to my Uncle's last, she would have said so many things.
Unspoken words typically have an eternal effect, whether it be on your life or the the life of someone else. If you never ask Christ to be your personal savior, then eternally you will burn in hell. Once you die, it's over. All of those things you wished you would have said or done, you will no longer have the opportunity to do. Once you die, the eternal effects of the words you never spoke will begin to reap havoc on your eternal life. Some people may say they do not know if they believe in heaven and hell, I will tell you this, the only way to truly know is in death and then it's too late.
As for my Aunt and the words she never spoke, those are things that will haunt her memory. We all have things we wished we would have said or done. Truth be known, she was with my Uncle 24/7, I am sure he knew how very much she loved him. She showed that to him on a daily basis in every little thing that she did for him. Sometimes love is shown more in what we do and not what we say. Once again that too can have it's eternal effects on your life as well as the life of others. My Aunt has been blessed with that over the last week. People have been stopping by, people have been praying for her and listening to her. The actions of people have truly been uplifting to her, in a time that she describes as the worst pain she has ever felt in her entire life. No words can take away the pain she is feeling right now, but she says that she can feel the prayers of her friends and family everyday.
Who do you know that needs to hear about the love of Christ? Who do you know that needs for you to show them the love of Christ? How many prayers have gone unsaid because we don't have the time? Once again....unsaid prayers are unspoken words. It's time to quit thinking that we have time. It's time to stopping thinking that someone else will speak to your neighbor or that person you work for. It's time to stop thinking that maybe tomorrow, I will stop by the house of that person who just lost a loved one. Today is all we have. Let's not leave to many unspoken words behind.
Unspoken words typically have an eternal effect, whether it be on your life or the the life of someone else. If you never ask Christ to be your personal savior, then eternally you will burn in hell. Once you die, it's over. All of those things you wished you would have said or done, you will no longer have the opportunity to do. Once you die, the eternal effects of the words you never spoke will begin to reap havoc on your eternal life. Some people may say they do not know if they believe in heaven and hell, I will tell you this, the only way to truly know is in death and then it's too late.
As for my Aunt and the words she never spoke, those are things that will haunt her memory. We all have things we wished we would have said or done. Truth be known, she was with my Uncle 24/7, I am sure he knew how very much she loved him. She showed that to him on a daily basis in every little thing that she did for him. Sometimes love is shown more in what we do and not what we say. Once again that too can have it's eternal effects on your life as well as the life of others. My Aunt has been blessed with that over the last week. People have been stopping by, people have been praying for her and listening to her. The actions of people have truly been uplifting to her, in a time that she describes as the worst pain she has ever felt in her entire life. No words can take away the pain she is feeling right now, but she says that she can feel the prayers of her friends and family everyday.
Who do you know that needs to hear about the love of Christ? Who do you know that needs for you to show them the love of Christ? How many prayers have gone unsaid because we don't have the time? Once again....unsaid prayers are unspoken words. It's time to quit thinking that we have time. It's time to stopping thinking that someone else will speak to your neighbor or that person you work for. It's time to stop thinking that maybe tomorrow, I will stop by the house of that person who just lost a loved one. Today is all we have. Let's not leave to many unspoken words behind.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
In Memory of Uncle Leon
The parking lot overflowed , onto both sides of the street. People poured in, relatives, friends, and neighbors of the deceased. Every seat was full, and people were lined against every wall. What an impression he must have made, for so many to come and pay respects to Uncle Leon. Music played, that was dear to his heart. I could visualize him on stage singing, "On the wings of a snow white dove." Words were spoken, memory's were shared, many tears were cried, and even some laughter filled the air.
The lights were flashing as the line of cars preceded to the grave. Hands to forehead, there was one final salute to be made. Flag draped over the casket, the sounds of the trumpet rang clear. My son standing in front of me, on his head laid my tears. Respectfully, the flag was folded in an orderly fashion. Then placed in the hands of my dear Aunt Patsy. People passed through one last time, to give comfort to the hurting and give their final goodbye.
He is home with Jesus, probably playing his guitar. I can hear the tunes he's playing, probably some Ole' country song. One day we will be home with him, first we have more work here on earth to do. But when we are done, Uncle Leon, we will be coming home with you. I can't wait to see how beautiful heaven must truly be. Because our father in heaven, created it especially for you and for me.
The lights were flashing as the line of cars preceded to the grave. Hands to forehead, there was one final salute to be made. Flag draped over the casket, the sounds of the trumpet rang clear. My son standing in front of me, on his head laid my tears. Respectfully, the flag was folded in an orderly fashion. Then placed in the hands of my dear Aunt Patsy. People passed through one last time, to give comfort to the hurting and give their final goodbye.
He is home with Jesus, probably playing his guitar. I can hear the tunes he's playing, probably some Ole' country song. One day we will be home with him, first we have more work here on earth to do. But when we are done, Uncle Leon, we will be coming home with you. I can't wait to see how beautiful heaven must truly be. Because our father in heaven, created it especially for you and for me.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Death
Death does not understand hurt
Death does not know love
Death does not know lonliness
Death does not know the loved ones left behind
it does not comprehend the tears that are shed
or the emptiness that lies inside.
Death is never really expected
but inevitably it always comes
Death is something feared
either by ourselves or by someone we love
It was in death that I found hope
It was in death that my sins were washed away
It was a loved one that was sacrificed
so a paradise I could gain
It was in death that created a grace
that is greater than any sin we could commit
It was in death that God sacrificed
more than I could ever bare.
As he watched his only son
beaten, bruised, and tormented beyond my wildest nightmare.
There is eternal hope in death. Heaven is not sad, it is a happy place to be. A place that was created for God's children you see. I know that if I created a home for my kids to live, it would be the most wonderful place you have ever seen. So I can only imagine what my heavenly father has created for you and me.
Death does not know love
Death does not know lonliness
Death does not know the loved ones left behind
it does not comprehend the tears that are shed
or the emptiness that lies inside.
Death is never really expected
but inevitably it always comes
Death is something feared
either by ourselves or by someone we love
It was in death that I found hope
It was in death that my sins were washed away
It was a loved one that was sacrificed
so a paradise I could gain
It was in death that created a grace
that is greater than any sin we could commit
It was in death that God sacrificed
more than I could ever bare.
As he watched his only son
beaten, bruised, and tormented beyond my wildest nightmare.
There is eternal hope in death. Heaven is not sad, it is a happy place to be. A place that was created for God's children you see. I know that if I created a home for my kids to live, it would be the most wonderful place you have ever seen. So I can only imagine what my heavenly father has created for you and me.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
30 days to live.........or not.
In our home groups we have been discussing life with only 30 days to live. This week God has brought many people into my life. The first person is a vendor that comes into my store every other week. She lost her husband a few months ago after he had a 4 year battle with cancer. I felt truly bad that I did not know of her loss until now, but she has never spoken of it before. I don't know how the conversation came about this week, our typical conversations are about her new grand baby. I began to realize not only did I not know about her husbands death because she had not spoken of it before, but also because she always has a smile on her face. I don't remember a day that she has come to visit with me that she wasn't smiling and just enjoying the new grand baby. She always has photo's to show, she truly loves her kids and grand kid. She spoke of how God has gotten her through.
The next person that God brought into my life this week was a customer, and her name is Diann. She was very friendly, we talked for 15 to 30 minutes in the isle. She has colon cancer, she was diagnosed in 2005 shortly after her mother died of pancreatic cancer. She had no idea, her doctor had been treating her for ulcers due to the stress of her mother, and because the medication was not working he sent her to a specialist. She had surgery in 2005, the cancer had already moved to the liver and she continues chemotherapy today. In her words, not so much to get rid of the cancer but basically to keep it from spreading any further. She explained to me that her husband had also been diagnosed with colon cancer, and gave God many praises that they caught his in time and he is doing well. As she began to walk off I asked her name, and she said Diann, and I said to her that I would keep her in my prayers. She said that it is Gods grace that has brought her through this and she clings to God daily. She did not say that sadly, she said it with joy in her heart and in her voice. She thanked me for her prayers and walked away.
The next person is not someone that was just brought into my life, it was my uncle. My phone rang at 3:30 am, and my heart was racing as I picked up the phone. He passed away yesterday morning around 3 am. He and my Aunt Patsy had been married for 42 years. He was the best man at my parents wedding. Everyday I drive past his house on my way to pick up my kids, he is typically outside on the porch swing. I can see him right now, he would always lift his hands to wave as you went by, even if he didn't know who you were. He was always full of laughter and silly jokes and he did not have to know you to cut up with you. I don't think he knew a stranger. If you truly want to know how many lives a person can touch, attend a funeral. Or stop by my Aunt's house today, because people flooded in all day yesterday. Each with their own stories about Uncle Leon, there were tears and laughter, flowers and food, and heartfelt friendships grieving with their friends and family members.
My Uncle was only 67, nobody knew that yesterday would be his last day. My aunt did not know that when she went to wake him up, that he would not respond. I listened to her as she cried and talked to him at the funeral home yesterday. Her love for him was so deep, and she kept repeating how badly she was hurting inside. She kept saying that it was so hard, why did it have to be so hard. As each person went up, the words my daddy, my pa, my uncle, my friend, went out. All were crying and all missed him dearly and they were all hurting deeply. I stood beside my daddy with his arms wrapped around me and my tears streaming down my face as I watched. My dad and his brothers held her hand, they held her as she walked, they spoke words of comfort, at least the best they could. Just being there was probably more comforting than anything. As a church we often forget that. It's our job to hold the hands of hurting people, it's our jobs to speak words of comfort, it's our job to check on them and to just show them love.
Cindy Grizzle was there yesterday. My cousin Trish was her best friend. Cindy has been down this road before. I called her yesterday morning on my way to work, knowing she needed to know. Cindy showed God's love all evening, she never left my cousins side. She fixed her plate, she waited on her kids and the other family members, she held her hand. It's not about the words, it's about a servants heart. I know that my cousin will never forget that as long as she lives. That is what showing God's love is all about.....being a servant. It meant so much to me as well to have her there yesterday. It meant so much to me that Cara called and for some reason I had been in her thoughts all day. She did not know that my Uncle had passed, but God had placed me on her heart. We talked on the phone, and she too offered to come and sit with us or take care of our kids. Once again, the love of God was shining through.
I really loved my Uncle. I can see that he was really loved by a lot of people. A year ago, I wanted to learn how to play the guitar. He is very instrumental, so I went to ask for his assistance. I felt very humble before someone so experienced. But he was willing to help. Too bad I gave up so soon. He left his legacy in his daughter and his grand kids. I know they will always think of him and what he taught them every time they play and sing. I told my cousin yesterday, not too many people had a stage built in their front yard. Uncle Leon would have concerts in his front yard, he truly enjoyed music. Not just his music, but he also took time to listen to his friends and other family members sing and play. He was always asking me to come to church and sing another special. He had invited us to go with him and Patsy to hear my cousin Blake sing.
What I want to say about each of these people, is that I can see God in them. Through the smiles, and even in the hurt, the one thing that remained constant was they all knew that God would get them through. They all knew that God was going to take care of them, even in the hurt. But even in the hurt that I know is in each one of them, I could see a peace that surpasses all understanding. As I sat around yesterday visiting with family and friends, I realized what an impact that one person can make in their lifetime. What legacy will you leave behind? How will you be remembered? Are people there because you are the person that led them to Christ? Are people there because you gave them food when they had nothing to eat? Are people there because they had a close relationship with you? The day of your funeral truly says a lot about who you were and the lives you touched.
We don't know how many days we have. It doesn't matter what age you are, everyday could be the last. Monday is my husbands birthday, and I have tried very hard not to push that aside during this weekend. Out of love for me, my husband says that birthdays come every year and not to worry about him. I replied, no they don't. We have to enjoy them now, because we may not have another. I am very thankful for my family. When I say my family, I mean all of my family. My husband, my kids, my parents, my aunts and uncles, cousins, and my new family... fuel church. I am very blessed to have been apart of so many lives.
As I left my Aunt's house last night, or actually as anyone left last night, No one missed a hug or an I love you before they walked out the door. It took a little longer to leave, but it was that sense of I don't want to miss my chance. I pray that you don't miss your chance. As you walk about today, don't miss the I love yous or the hugs, don't put off another day of picking up the phone and inviting your friends and family to church, don't wait for someone else to take care of that family who needs food on their table. This could be your last, so make it count.
The next person that God brought into my life this week was a customer, and her name is Diann. She was very friendly, we talked for 15 to 30 minutes in the isle. She has colon cancer, she was diagnosed in 2005 shortly after her mother died of pancreatic cancer. She had no idea, her doctor had been treating her for ulcers due to the stress of her mother, and because the medication was not working he sent her to a specialist. She had surgery in 2005, the cancer had already moved to the liver and she continues chemotherapy today. In her words, not so much to get rid of the cancer but basically to keep it from spreading any further. She explained to me that her husband had also been diagnosed with colon cancer, and gave God many praises that they caught his in time and he is doing well. As she began to walk off I asked her name, and she said Diann, and I said to her that I would keep her in my prayers. She said that it is Gods grace that has brought her through this and she clings to God daily. She did not say that sadly, she said it with joy in her heart and in her voice. She thanked me for her prayers and walked away.
The next person is not someone that was just brought into my life, it was my uncle. My phone rang at 3:30 am, and my heart was racing as I picked up the phone. He passed away yesterday morning around 3 am. He and my Aunt Patsy had been married for 42 years. He was the best man at my parents wedding. Everyday I drive past his house on my way to pick up my kids, he is typically outside on the porch swing. I can see him right now, he would always lift his hands to wave as you went by, even if he didn't know who you were. He was always full of laughter and silly jokes and he did not have to know you to cut up with you. I don't think he knew a stranger. If you truly want to know how many lives a person can touch, attend a funeral. Or stop by my Aunt's house today, because people flooded in all day yesterday. Each with their own stories about Uncle Leon, there were tears and laughter, flowers and food, and heartfelt friendships grieving with their friends and family members.
My Uncle was only 67, nobody knew that yesterday would be his last day. My aunt did not know that when she went to wake him up, that he would not respond. I listened to her as she cried and talked to him at the funeral home yesterday. Her love for him was so deep, and she kept repeating how badly she was hurting inside. She kept saying that it was so hard, why did it have to be so hard. As each person went up, the words my daddy, my pa, my uncle, my friend, went out. All were crying and all missed him dearly and they were all hurting deeply. I stood beside my daddy with his arms wrapped around me and my tears streaming down my face as I watched. My dad and his brothers held her hand, they held her as she walked, they spoke words of comfort, at least the best they could. Just being there was probably more comforting than anything. As a church we often forget that. It's our job to hold the hands of hurting people, it's our jobs to speak words of comfort, it's our job to check on them and to just show them love.
Cindy Grizzle was there yesterday. My cousin Trish was her best friend. Cindy has been down this road before. I called her yesterday morning on my way to work, knowing she needed to know. Cindy showed God's love all evening, she never left my cousins side. She fixed her plate, she waited on her kids and the other family members, she held her hand. It's not about the words, it's about a servants heart. I know that my cousin will never forget that as long as she lives. That is what showing God's love is all about.....being a servant. It meant so much to me as well to have her there yesterday. It meant so much to me that Cara called and for some reason I had been in her thoughts all day. She did not know that my Uncle had passed, but God had placed me on her heart. We talked on the phone, and she too offered to come and sit with us or take care of our kids. Once again, the love of God was shining through.
I really loved my Uncle. I can see that he was really loved by a lot of people. A year ago, I wanted to learn how to play the guitar. He is very instrumental, so I went to ask for his assistance. I felt very humble before someone so experienced. But he was willing to help. Too bad I gave up so soon. He left his legacy in his daughter and his grand kids. I know they will always think of him and what he taught them every time they play and sing. I told my cousin yesterday, not too many people had a stage built in their front yard. Uncle Leon would have concerts in his front yard, he truly enjoyed music. Not just his music, but he also took time to listen to his friends and other family members sing and play. He was always asking me to come to church and sing another special. He had invited us to go with him and Patsy to hear my cousin Blake sing.
What I want to say about each of these people, is that I can see God in them. Through the smiles, and even in the hurt, the one thing that remained constant was they all knew that God would get them through. They all knew that God was going to take care of them, even in the hurt. But even in the hurt that I know is in each one of them, I could see a peace that surpasses all understanding. As I sat around yesterday visiting with family and friends, I realized what an impact that one person can make in their lifetime. What legacy will you leave behind? How will you be remembered? Are people there because you are the person that led them to Christ? Are people there because you gave them food when they had nothing to eat? Are people there because they had a close relationship with you? The day of your funeral truly says a lot about who you were and the lives you touched.
We don't know how many days we have. It doesn't matter what age you are, everyday could be the last. Monday is my husbands birthday, and I have tried very hard not to push that aside during this weekend. Out of love for me, my husband says that birthdays come every year and not to worry about him. I replied, no they don't. We have to enjoy them now, because we may not have another. I am very thankful for my family. When I say my family, I mean all of my family. My husband, my kids, my parents, my aunts and uncles, cousins, and my new family... fuel church. I am very blessed to have been apart of so many lives.
As I left my Aunt's house last night, or actually as anyone left last night, No one missed a hug or an I love you before they walked out the door. It took a little longer to leave, but it was that sense of I don't want to miss my chance. I pray that you don't miss your chance. As you walk about today, don't miss the I love yous or the hugs, don't put off another day of picking up the phone and inviting your friends and family to church, don't wait for someone else to take care of that family who needs food on their table. This could be your last, so make it count.
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