Thank God for a Wonderful Day

My dad's test came back normal. Praise God. I am so relieved that all is well. Matt and I have had some financial answers to prayer to. However I am most thankful for my daddy's health above all. I know my friends did not know it last night, but I had so much weighing on my mind. I had been stressed all day, and thinking about everything my friends had been going through with their parents. It was nice to have fellowship with the ladies at church last night. It really helped ease my mind, and help brighten an otherwise yucky Monday. I don't know what people do without a church family. I don't know how people cope without a relationship with Christ. I am thankful for a praying husband, I am thankful for praying friends. My husband prayed with me last night, today I went to work and went to my friend Anna and asked her to pray with me. I said, "where do you want to go to pray, we need to pray over my dad's test." She replied as an assistant manager was in our midst, "right here, and right now." We said a short prayer, we cried, and we thanked God for giving us friends at work that we can go to at anytime. God is way more awesome than I deserve. My husband is way more awesome than I deserve. I just want to savour what God has done for us today. I don't want to take forgranted another day God has given me with my family, another day to reach out to someone else. I ask you to first think of everything you are most thankful for right now, even if life truly sucks, there is something to be thankful for. The air in your lungs, the clothes on your back, the love of friends, food in your tummy, noises of children playing around you. You still have life, as long as there is air in your lungs, you still have a life worth living. Don't take it forgranted. Just because my dad's colonoscopy came back normal, doesn't mean he couldn't die in a car crash tomorrow. So even though I'm relieved of one thing, doesn't mean it's time to sit back and relax. It's time to enjoy every day I have with him, my mom, and my family. It's time to step up and be things to people that no one else has ever been to them before. I can't prevent people from doing stupid things, but I can prevent myself from doing the same stupid things other people do. I need to become all things to all people. I may need to be daddy to someone who's daddy doesn't seem to give a crap about their kids. I may need to teach someone what love really is, after they have spent a lifetime being abused. I'm not going to let lives fall down around me. I want to show them the love of Christ.

Heavy Heart

My heart is so heavy today. My friend lost her daddy last night, another friend is dealing with a serious illness of her mom, another friend lost her mom last week, and my heart is heavy for all of them. My dad goes for a colonoscopy tomorrow morning. I know everyone is telling me all is going to be OK, but my daddy's brother and sister died of colon cancer just a few years ago. I am a daddy's girl. I can talk to him, I know he prays for me, he is everything a daddy should be, and more. I have been begging him since the death of his brother and sister to have this done, and he his finally taking that step. I know sometimes it seems like if we don't get tested, then there is nothing to test for and all is well in the world. But for me, I have worried about my daddy for the last 3 years. So I know as my heart is heavy for him, I can't imagine what life would be without him. I know he won't always be here, but at least I have comfort of knowing that he is covered in the blood of Jesus. I remember the day my daddy accepted Christ into his life. It will forever be the best memory of all. We were saved and baptized together. To my friends, I love you all very much. I know your hearts are heavy, and some how and in some way, we will get through this life together. That is what is awesome about having brothers and sister in Christ. We are here to love each other and support each other no matter what. I love each of you, and I am so sorry that you guys have had to endure such hurt. Know that we are here for each other, and that is why we live life together. I feel like I have babbled, I'm sorry. Pray for Cindy's mom "Sue Earls", pray for Darylann and her family during the loss of her father, and pray for Ann in the loss of her mom, and please pray that my dad's test results will come out OK.

God is In Control

Do you truly know what it means to say God is in control? Below is a journal entry from a mother in Ft Smith, Ar who lost her 3 year old son due to a brain tumor. He passed away a couple of weeks ago. I have been keeping up with the progress of this little boy since last Christmas when our church delivered some toys to him in the children's ward. The mother was nice enough to send us a letter thanking us, and had included a website in which she posted her sons progress. This family always relied upon God. Through every chemo treatment, surgery, and hospital visit, they laid it all in God's hands. I don't think I truly understood what it meant to love God and trust God no matter what, until I read the last entry she posted in her journal. I wanted to share it with you.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 01, 2008 07:44 PM, CDT
The arrangements for Nathan's funeral service and graveside service is as listed below:
1. Funeral Service at 6:00pm on 10/2/08 (Thursday) at Edwards Funeral Home located at 201 North 12 Street Fort Smith, AR 72902. Phone 479.782.8203. www.edwardsfuneralhome.com
2. Graveside service at 10:00am on 10/3/08 (Friday) at Fort Smith National Cemetary located at 6th and Garland Ave Fort Smith, AR 72901.
Note - Graveside services at the National Cemetary are very brief. Please plan on arriving no earlier than 9:45am with the graveside service starting promptly at 10:00am. By 10:30am the graveside service MUST be concluded.
Memorials may be sent to Addi's Faith Foundation. Addi is a precious child who also fought the fight against the same type of tumor that Nathan did. Her parents have established a foundation www.addisfaithfoundation.org.
Ph. 281-361-4730 • 5602 Palisade Falls, Kingwood, TX 77345





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TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2008 07:23 PM, CDT
PRAISE BE TO GOD! The angles in heaven are rejoicing, Nathan got to go HOME Monday at 10:00pm. At 10:01 he was running into the loving arms of JESUS. Thou my heart weeps, my soul is joyful because our strong, brave, sweet, warrior is no longer in pain, his new body is completely free of ANY illness or cancer. He is truly free. GOD was very merciful with Nathan, and with us. Nathan was surrounded by 2 dear friends, his mom, pops, and 3 brothers as he gently slipped in to the arms of JESUS. We were all able to say good by before he passed and remind him of how much love, joy, hope and happiness he has brought to so many. I told him he as done more for GODS glory in his almost 4 short years than some people do in a lifetime. There is a saying that "Everyman dies, but not every man really lives." Nathan really lived and loved and was (will always be) loved. One of the last words he spoke to me was "Here mama, your chocolate birthday cake." As he reached across to me with an empty, but yet very full, hand. It was the sweetest birthday cake I ever was given. Sunday morning he was telling his papa Knock-Knock jokes. He kept his good humor, and giving loving spirit to the end.

The events leading up to Monday are as follows. I believe I last told you that he had a surgery on Wednesday to move his shunt catheter from his abdomen to his pleura cavity. Well, when the surgeon made the small incision in his chest, fluid came rushing out – he had fluid in his chest that should not have been there, then when he pulled the catheter up from the abdomen fluid came rushing out thru the very very tiny hole. The surgeons took great care to close the hole to keep more fluid from invading his pleura space. Nathan seemed do well from the surgery. Thursday, however, brought problems anew. He started throwing up, his legs and feet were swelling, his heart rate was up and his oxygenation rate was down. They did a chest x-ray and ct scan of the head. These showed that there was more fluid surrounding the lungs, but the ct showed the shunt to be working great. We decided that for Nathans best interest we needed to move him to the ICU. Thursday night we started his first round of chemo. The thinking being that all the fluid in the abdomen was pushing up crowding his lungs as well as all the other organs, with the chemo killing the cancer cells lining the abdominal cavity the swelling should go down. They did continue to drain him every day, with some days hitting as high as 1000cc, with no noticeable difference. Friday, Nathan's pressures all looked soooo much better, he ate, talked, played, watched tv, and seemed to be doing so much better! Saturday, he slept a little more, but still was playful. Unfortunately Saturday night with the 3rd round of chemo "A" and the start of chemo "B", Nathan had an extreme reaction. It almost took his life that night. But GOD knew we need a little more time. Sunday morning was scary, thou he was doing better, he kept repeating memories he had for almost 5 hours. Then those stopped, he smiled and said "there's someone here" I told him I was there, but he said, 'no, mama, someone's here", then he would, eyes shut smile on his face, say "Ummm, that smells good." Or "Umm , that taste so good.", he also said "wow that sounds beautiful!" and he also asked "where are we going?" The room was unusually still. GOD sent HIS angles to Nathan. Then after about 30 mins he slept a very peaceful sleep for most of the night. We did no more chemo. Monday, it was obvious that Nathan was not going to last much longer. He had a reaction to receiving red blood. Dr. Wolff, our eternal optimist, was still giving very good hopeful ideas. We tried one, a steroid to the abdomen to help reduce swelling. We/they also gave him lots of pain med and a sedative. We were assured he was feeling NO pain. By 4 pm his breathing became so labored and his heart rate continued to soar so we called his brothers into the room, explained what was going on, and let them say their good-byes. At 10 pm he took his last breath, with all of surrounding his bed, praying, reading psalms and speaking words of love. "Will it be ok mama?" "Yes baby, it will be ok." "Because GOD is in CONTROL!", "yes, baby, because GOD IS IN CONTROL!"

To Hell or Not To Hell

With a title like that, you know have to stop and read it. I was faced with a question the other day, not one that you expect to be hit with the second you get to work, but still the question arose. Let me explain what brought about this question, a fellow co-worker lost her daddy this past week. He was dying of cancer, depressed, probably scared for himself, the agony of cancer, and the agony of his family watching him go through cancer. That is such a big load to carry. I have not experienced cancer, but I have family members that have died from cancer, and I have a little understanding of what they must go through. The chemo, that helps prolong your life, often makes you sick, week,hard to get out of bad in the morning. And that isn't a guarantee, that's let's try this and see what it does. My friend's father decided to take his life into his own hands, and now she is faced with the question, can my daddy have gone to heaven if he killed himself? I was raised Assembly of God, and in the AOG beliefs they believe that you can fall away from God's grace, and that you must repent of your sin before you go to heaven. I spent a good deal of my life scared that if I had told a lie or gossiped and did not have the chance to repent, that I was not saved. I struggled with this as I was growing up, it just didn't seem right to me. I can't tell you how many times I have rededicated my life to Christ, probably more times than I can count. My husband and I recently changed denomination, not because we were against AOG, but because we felt God was leading us to a different church. That church just happened to be Baptist. I am not knocking AOG, a lot of my family is AOG, and they are wonderful christian people, We do not always agree on things, and that's OK, I believe we are still covered by God's grace. I love all of my brothers and sisters in Christ, no matter what denomination. As my husband and I began to search for biblical truth, and not for religious beliefs, many things became clear to us. 2 years ago I would have said this poor man went to hell. But I no longer believe that, that is if he truly accepted Christ into his life and believed that Jesus died for our sins. I suppose you are waiting to hear what my answer was to her, my answer was actually a question. What if a man is obese, and the doctor tells him he must change his diet or else he will have a heart attack and die, this christian man chooses not to change his diet and dies? Where do you feel this man goes? Ultimately he committed suicide, he knew he would die if he did not change his diet, he chose not to, and died. He took his life in his own hands. Question number 2, What if a christian woman has breast cancer, the doctor says that if she goes through chemo, surgery, and radiation, she has a chance of surviving, and she chooses not to go through the procedures and over a period of time she slowly dies. Does she go to heaven? If she opted out of trying to save her life, would that not count as suicide and does she go to heaven. Just because she wants to live what life she has left, as normal as possible, without the sickness from chemo, and spending hours in a doctors office, ultimately she took her own life into her own hands. I choose to believe that God's grace is far greater than any sin I could ever commit. I no longer live in fear of going to hell, of course that does not mean we do not have to suffer the consequences of our actions. The unfortunate consequence to this mans actions, is that he is not alive, and his kids are faced with an even deeper grief. Feel free to comment. I know it's a big topic to take in. I pray that my friend can find God's comfort within. She is so sad, and so heart broken. Please remember her in your prayers.

Forgiveness

God has taught me so much this week. One of those things is the importance of reconciliation. If you don't believe that true unity starts with reconciliation, let me tell you that you are wrong. In Matt 10:18, it tells us that if we have a problem with someone that you should go to them, and hopefully when you are done you will gain a brother. How true that is. If two people can go to each other, and humbly before God try to fix whatever is between them, you can come out so much stronger than when you started. Just knowing that you can basically lay your heart on the table, and pray together and love one another,is such an amazing feeling. We are all human, and we are all going to have that instance in our life in which we are going to have to correct something we did. I encourage you not to wait. I encourage you to first pray and get in God's word, and then to come together and find unity. Please don't let it go, don't let conflict overtake your life. I promise, you will leave with a feeling that a ton of bricks have been lifted from your shoulder's. Don't think that you can walk in with your pride shining bright, you must humble yourself before God and each other, accepting responsibility, and wanting even desiring to leave with a friend. A friend that you worship with, a friend that you can love, a friend that will love you no matter how stupid you feel sometimes. My son has had a problem fitting in with a few kids, he sometimes feels left out and feeling like other kids don't want to play with him. We talk about it quite often, as a mom it really hurts me, but my son tells me this, he says "mom, sometimes my friends say things that hurt me, but that doesn't mean they are not my friends, I don't know how to make them like me anymore , but to me they are still my buddy's." I cry every time I think about those words, I have seen these kids be mean to him time and time again, but to him they are still his buddy's. Some time's I don't think I deserve the friendships of some people, but I'm thankful for friends with a forgiving heart. I love them very much, and I am very blessed to call them my friends.

Angie's Ramblings....

I don't even have a good title for this one. Sometimes you are faced with things in life. Things that have the potential of being something that could totally turn your world upside down, or they could turn out to be nothing. I have a friend that found a lump on her breast a week or so ago. Having to wait, wonder, and worry, until you can find out exactly what it is, can be torturous. It is hard to think, hard to sleep, even hard to work. Prayer suddenly becomes more important than it ever has before. It no longer becomes something you have to make time for, or something you forget about doing, it becomes the number one resource in your life to make it through your day. Other things don't seem as important as they used to, like being able to watch your favorite TV show, or the big mess the kids just made in the kitchen. It is a time of What IF???? In her case, the what if turned out to be nothing. PRAISE GOD!!! Another friend at work, who just finished Chemo, found another lump on her breast, once again, all of the above begins to settle in all over again. She had surgery yesterday, and found out, the lump was merely scar tissue. PRAISE GOD, again. I can't imagine the fear she must of felt wondering if it had come back that quick, and if it had, what that meant for her life. I know that as we face that potential, you really learn what it means to trust God. You truly understand, the importance of prayer, and the strength you need in Christ to help you through life. I know that whatever life throws our way, that as Jesus told Joshua, to Be Bold and Be Courageous, and he also told him that he would never leave him nor forsake him. There is one thing that always remains constant, and that is the word of God. Keep us in prayer, and if you have any prayer requests, please leave them for me, so I can be praying for you.
Love In Christ.
Angie

Impressionable

I was on my way to work today,listening to my favorite song by Jennifer Knapp. It is called "Hold Me Now"........
From glass alabaster she poured out the depth of her soul
O foot of Christ would you wait if her harlotries known?
Falls a tear to darken the dirt
Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt
She is strong enough to stand in your love
I can hear her say....

I'm weak
I'm poor
I'm broken, Lord
But I'm your's
Hold me now, hold me now

Let he without sin cast the first stone if you will
To say that my bride isn't worth half the blood that I'vespilled
Point your finger and laugh if you choose
To say my beloved is borrowed and used
She is strong enough to stand in My love
I can hear her say....

I'm weak
I'm poor
I'm broken, Lord
But I'm your's
Hold me now, hold me now

The words of this song make me realize what it truly means to have the love of Christ. There is a friend of ours that does not want to go to church because she feels that the church pretty much ousted her when she was at her lowest. Who are we to make someone feel as though they are not worthy of the love of Christ. I thought our job as a christ follower is to lift them up, and show them the love of Christ, no matter what they are going through, no matter what kind of sin has filled their life. I began to look back on my own life, and you can even think back on yours,at what times in your life were the biggest impressions left?
I know that in my life, I can think of a few different occaisions. One was the death of Matt's father. Two life long impressions were made on us that day. One was a good impression, left by our very close friends Ryan and Christy who came to the funeral that day and then came to my father-in-laws house and sat with us for many hours. Just the mere presence of our friends was more than enough to bring us comfort that day, at least as much comfort as one could feel after losing their father. The second impression made that day, was not good. Matt and I had been a part of a church family for several years, we were involved in church, worked in the church and never missed. But it lacked the love. No food was brought to our house, no phone calls were made to check on Matt. We felt very alone. In the year to come, depression got worse, and no one was there to reach out to us. Eventually we completely quit going to church. Another time in my life was when I found a lump on my breast, the pastor's family completely understood what a family goes through when this occurs, because his wife had been battling breast cancer. I was worried, and scared, but once again, felt alone in the church. It hurt me in a big way.
What impressions are we leaving on those that are hurting, what impressions are we leaving on people that are deep in sin and they are trying to find their way out of it but fall back in because we as Christ Followers turn our noses to them. It doesn't matter what sin, our job is to show them the blood of Christ cover's that sin, no matter how deep we are into that sin and no matter how bad you think that sin is. It is time that we as christ followers quit pointing fingers, and remembering that sometimes our mere presence is a beginning to showing the love of Christ to other's. Don't turn up your nose, but wrap your arms around people, and let them feel the love of Christ that they may have never felt before. When people are deep in sin, down on their luck, and feeling low, that is when we as Christ followers can make the biggest impressions on their lives.