I wish I could be there

I know I shouldn't be envious, but I am. All of the girls in my fuel cell have been bridal shopping with their sisters. Well, my niece is getting married next month. This is a wedding I have dreamed of. I have always wanted to be a part of this wedding. But I have not received an inviation or even a phone call or email. But my niece does not know me. It's a long story. Something I could never fix, something I could never change. But truly she does not know me. My heart desires to know her, to be a part of her life. But the truth is, she does not know me, and she is hurt by life far more than I can truly understand. So hurt, that she can not truly understand how much I truly love her and want to be a part of her life. But the truth is, this is her day. Not mine. I would do anything to be even a small part of it, but if me not being there makes it better day for her, then I would rather not be with her. Does that not make me think of her? Of course not. Anyone who knows me, knows my heart for her. It is not about me. I would do anything for her. Including not being at her wedding. As I listen to people who talk about Bride Zilla's. Understand that it is a blessing just to be a part of it. To be accepted, to be invited, to be able to dress shop and be a part of bridal showers. I would give anything for that right now. But my heart is for my niece and her happiness. If me not being there makes her day a little easier or a litter better, then it doesn't matter how much it hurts me. I pray that she has the most wonderful amazing day of her life. I pray that her marriage is one that lasts forever. I pray that she is happier than she has ever been. Be thankful for every part you get to play in a persons life. It is a blessing from God. Even if your part, is not being there. It may be really hard for me to understand, she doesn't know me, or to understand a hurt that is so deep in her heart. I would do anything to change that for her. I would do anything to change the last 20 years. But I can't. I couldn't change it then, and I couldn't change it now. Sometimes, other people have to pay the consequences for other people's actions. But, I will always love her, I will always hold her close to my heart. It is not her fault that she doesn't know me. I will love her forever, and pray for her forever. If that is the only role I play in her life, that is OK.