Healing

When should healing begin? My friend died a little over a month ago, as some of you know I felt responsible for not making him go to the doctor. You remember all of those God given signs I talked about in my blog "The Storm", all of the signs were there but I felt that with a little more time his symptoms would go away. I have been going to the cemetary every once and a while. I still try to blame myself for his death. So I guess I felt compelled to visit his grave often. I'm not that person. The person who visits the cemetary when someone dies. It always seemed pointless, it's not as if they are there. It's just a reminder of their life and their existance. For me it's a reminder of something I wished I would have done. Yesterday I decided I would not be going to the cemetary anymore. I can't heal if I am constantly wollowing around in guilt. Being at the cemetary does that for me. It's time for me to realize the storm is over, and despite the outcome, I did all that I could truly do outside of tie him down and drag him to the doctor. I don't even know that would have helped. My friends have done all the right things, my husband has said all the right things, my guilt is something that I will have to get rid of on my own. You truly learn who your real friends are when the storm is over. Through it all, a new friendship has risen, or maybe I should say that an old friendship has been revived. I am writing this to say, that I am ready to heal. I am tired of going through the rubble of the storm and trying to peice everything back together. Sometimes you have to bring a bulldozer and completely clear the rubble away, and realize that you have a life to live of your own. You can't live that life if you are constantly picking up the peices after the storm. This healing blog has a deeper meaning than just the loss of my friend. To all my friends, the storm is over and the healing can begin.