My Last Words.....

I've often wondered what my last day would be like. How old will I be? Will I have lived long enough to see my kids graduate, get married, and have kids of their own? What will people whisper on my funeral day? Will they say that I was a gossip, will they say that I helped others, will they say I was a good mom and good wife, will they know my love for Christ? I could go on and on. I've sat in many funerals, some were saved and some were not. For those who were not, I'm not sure who had the most regret. Was it the one who no longer had a chance to receive Christ in their life, or was it me. What did I not say? What could I have done differently to have changed this day.
If I died today, at age 35. I would be survived by my husband and the love of my life, Matthew Duke, my son Zachary Duke age 9, daughter Abby Duke age 7, my parents, Ray and Sandy Erwin, my brother Danny Erwin and his wife Jamie and their kids, Shanea, Chris, Michael, Danielle, Lucas, Cain, Abel, and Shay. My brother David Erwin, and his kids Coleton and Taylnn, My brother-in-law Chuck Duke and his wife Kelly, and their kids Adam, and Katie, My mother-in-law Lelah Duke, and many Aunts,Uncles, Cousins, friends and co-workers, My Fuel Cell Family, Melissa and Eric Hendrix, Mike and Melissa Schoeppey and their kids Amber and Isaac.
To my husband, Matt, God knew what he was doing when he placed you in my life. I made so many wrong decisions until I finally made the right one. You have been an amazing husband and father. You have provided a wonderful home for our family. We have had a good life together. No one will ever know, understand, or love me the way you do. I know that our marriage hasn't always been perfect, but our love for each other and the forgiveness in our hearts pulled us through those times and now we are closer than we have ever been before. I know that when I am gone, it will be hard on you and the kids. But you are the spiritual leader in our home. You will need to cling to Christ, and not drown in your sorrows. Our kids need you, they need your leadership, they need your love, and they need your strength. It is OK to mourn, but it is not OK to let mourning overtake your life. I know you will never forget me, and I know there will never be a love greater than ours, but know that it is OK to go on, to find a Godly woman to stand beside you through the rest of this life. A woman that will be a mother to our kids, but will allow them to never forget their mom. Neither one of us ever want or desire for this to happen in our life. Always remember that as long as you have breath in your longs, there is work to be done for God. Stay in your quiet time, and your prayer time, and continue to do anything that God leads you to do.
To my son Zach, my first born. You stole my heart from day one. There is so much love inside of you and always has been since the day you were born. We cuddled so often, you would play with my hair, and want me or daddy to rock you in our arms. Even now at 9, I will be cooking dinner, or just sitting on the couch watching TV, and down the hallway you would come,just to tell me you love me and give me that ever so famous Zach Bear Hug. You know those are my favorites. Use that love to serve Christ, and to serve your wife some day. Be a good big brother to your sister, no matter how much we may be annoying, us little sisters look up to our big brothers. Be a Godly example to her, be strong for Daddy, he will need you. I'm sure there will be many hikes, and you will be able to remember the day you found my keys, or you would pull the branches back and allow mom to walk through. I'm sorry for any time that I ever yelled at you. I hope you know how much I love you, and I tried my best to raise you in the way God would want me to. Thanks for the love you have given me. Let your Daddy teach you how to be a good Godly husband. I promise, he knows what he's talking about it.
To my daughter Abby, my little me. We share so many stories, I'm sure you will relive more of my life as you grow up. You will always remember the scars on our foreheads, our broken arms, and lets not forget we were both born breach. I will always live inside your heart, I will be there on your wedding day, when you are putting on your dress and remember the day when you were 7 and we pulled my wedding dress out of the closet and your tried it on and modeled it for Daddy. You will remember when you are fixing your hair, and remember every morning that I fixed your hair before school, and when you paint your nails, you will remember our girl days. When your kids are driving you crazy and you sit and relax in a hot bubble bath in a candle lit bathroom, you will think of the days we had our special girl time. Never stop laughing, which is why you have those precious little varicous veins in your cheeks. Use your smiles to make a difference in other peoples lives. Never let a guy use you or take advantage of you. You are a beautiful girl who deserves the very best. A guy that will lead your home, provide for you and your family, and keep you faithful to God. He will tell you how beautiful you are, and make you feel like the only woman on the face of this earth. They do exist, i have one of those guys.
I love all of you so much. It is all three of you that has made my life the most wonderful life I could ever imagine having. Never, upon never, lose touch with each other. Never let distance pull you guys apart. Promise me to stay close together, to love each other, and to talk to each other often. Never let anything change that closeness. Stay in church, keep working for Christ and do all you can do. If dad ever remarries, love is wife, and allow her to be a part of your lives. Allow her to be a part of your kids lives. I know Daddy would never choose anyone, unless they loved you guys. But know in your hearts, that even if Daddy remarries, doesn't mean he has forgotten me or lost his love for me, he just doesn't want to be lonely when you guys are out of the house.
This is only part one of my last words. But they are the most important part of my life. So if tomorrow was my day, I would have at least wanted to share this with them. I love my family. I wished I had not wasted my life and made so many mistakes. But going forward, I promise to do better, to walk a better walk, and to show my love you to guys daily.

With All My Love
Angie
Sweet
Mom