Posts
Do you ever have the urge to blog more when so many emotions are in a whirlwind within? I have so many things spinning around in my head, and sometimes it helps to pull them all together when I can write them down. However, sometimes when I blog, my every emotion comes pouring out, and that doesn't always bode well for me either. I know that I'm rambling, but I'm trying to configure what I should and shouldn't blog about.
Since my emotions have just drastically changed within just seconds of beginning this blog, I want to share a story with you. My sister in law posted on her facebook page today, "I just lived through a parents worst nightmare, hug your kid today and tell them you love them." It seems as though there was a shooting today at our nieces school in Tennessee. Apparently a guy came to the school and pulled a gun on the principle. After all was said and done, the cops shot the guy down, and he died.
It happens all around us, but we never think it's something that can possibly happen to us, but today it happened in our nieces school. I can't begin to imagine the scare, and the fear of the students, parents, and workers. I can't fathom, and honestly I don't want to, how I would feel in this very situation. All I know is the little things we grumble about everyday, all of sudden seem a little less important.
Matt and I were talking about the movie "The Book Of Eli" with some friends of ours the other night. In the movie, everyday things we take for granted, everyday things we simply throw in the trash, are a luxury. Books are not readily available, t.v. doesn't exist, water is scarce, and even God's written word can't be found. I can't imagine a time when money wasn't of use, a time where a bar soap was worth more than a brick of Gold, and even more so, a time without God's word. At least we could then be more appreciative of what we have. At least then we could truly be thankful for every thing that God has given us.
I'm sure my brother in law and his wife are having one of those days right now. Appreciating their daughters voice a little more than they did the day before. I'm sure the latest cell phone is not the thing that is most on their mind right now. I guarantee that today, they said 'Thank You Jesus" a few more times than they did yesterday.
It has been a tough few weeks, I know emotions have been spinning round, but God is the one constant that keeps me moving forward. God constantly reminds why he has placed me where I am. I have watched my church family pull together, help each other, pray for each other, and be what a church family is suppose to be for each other. I don't expect anyone to be perfect, because I am far from perfect myself. We love each other for who we are, and that includes our every imperfection. As my Sister In Law said, Hug your kid and tell them you love them, and be thankful that God has given us another day.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
A Mere Window.............
What a roller coaster of a week it has been for me. I had to drive to Talihina at 7am today. After such a long, exhausting kind of week, I have to say that I truly enjoyed the nice quiet drive to Talihina and back to Greenwood. God really spoke into my heart about so many things today. As Stretch would say, it's a great time to sit and reflect, and just simply listen to God.
Matt and I both have tried so hard to not be prideful about our project this weekend. I know people mean well by thanking us for what we did because we were willing to do Gods work. Honestly, as I sit back and look at the whole picture, and to think that I did it, or Matt did it was completely insane. God's work that was carefully orchestrated over the last year, completely leaves me in awe.
It started last October with backpacks, and then God literally started providing us with free donations from Wal-Mart, in which we had never even asked for. When God literally starts dropping things on you for free, it was at that time that we knew this is really what God wanted us to do all along.
The lady that worked with us all summer long, she works for the same company as my dad. I had called and asked her to see if maybe the company would be willing to donate a case or 2 of copy paper. She began to explain to me of everything that she had asked them to donate to over the years, and she was always turned down. She walked into the office one day, and the girl (the same girl that always turned her down) had seen our story in the paper and said that they could donate to the project, all she had to do was fill out some paper work. A few weeks later we were handed a $200 check. My friend didn't even get a chance to ask them for a donation, they offered it to her.
It really kind of saddens my heart that people were so proud of us. This shouldn't be the uncommon thing to see among Christians. We as Christ followers wants our church to do everything for us, but we don't want to do any of the work ourselves. How many times have you gone to your church and said, Sally Jane needs her electric turned on, can the church take care of that? When fact of the matter is, you had enough money in your wallet to do it yourself all along. People are suffering, and we don't want to sacrifice our time or our money to help them. We are set in our ways and think that we just have to pay our tithes and nothing else, and half of the church probably isn't even doing that.
Matt and I don't have money. We live pay check to pay check. Yes that is our own fault, that we are working diligently to correct, but that doesn't mean we use our lack of money as an excuse to not be able to care for others. I never dreamed that we would have been able to help 250 kids this past week. It wasn't us, we didn't have the money. But what we did have was the willingness to take what God had put on our hearts, even when we didn't fully believe that God could have taken it to this magnitude, and we stepped out on faith. When our faith was a little weak, he would drop school supplies in our laps that we didn't even ask for. We would say, "OK God, we get it, we are going to run with it, I don't know how it's going to work out, but this is obviously what you want us to do."
While we were on vacation we visited a church, and the sermon still speaks to my heart. The pastor said, God placed their church in one the riches communities in their town. Why did he do that? He said another pastor friend of his, his church was in the ghetto part of town. His church is out there reaching out to the homeless, right in the midst of the poor. Obviously the church doesn't bring in a lot of money, because anyone who attends doesn't have much money to give. He began to say that we each have a different roll in the community. God blessed his church with finances, so they can partner with the church in the ghetto, the church that is placed in the midst of poverty, to help them reach the poor and needy.
I may not have money, but I have time, Matt may not be a motivator like me, but God gave him the vision, Linda, well she went to the church that had the financial resources and other connections that we needed, and then he sent us Tim and Kim, who's church had just started a clothes closet just weeks before we were to bring all of this together. All of us from different churches, all of us playing a different roll, all of us working on the same vision. To think I could have ever made all of that happen, is simply crazy.
We should all be willing, we should all be searching for our roll. Saturday I watched several families in need, stories of men in near tears and all because of free school supplies? I don't know about you, but when you can't provide for your kids, and they are having to walk into a school where kids are probably going to make fun of them for what they are wearing, for their torn and old backpacks, and not being able to bring basic school supplies to school, I know I would rather personally go hungry than for my kids to experience the cruelty of kids at school.
Maybe it's time to quit running to your church and asking them do the work that God is telling you to do. Maybe it's time you learn to make a few sacrifices, so someone else has food on their table. If my babies were hungry, and someone driving a new car, and wearing new clothes, talking on their IPhone, with $40 mani pedi's, walked past my hungry babies and never missed a step, I wouldn't have much faith in Christ and I surely woudln't think much of that person. What kind of message are you sending out everyday? My heart is broken right now. I know those 250 kids are in need of so much more than crayons. God is challenging me, that this weekend was just a mere window to be able to see the needs around me. It's my choice to sit and be like everyone else, or will I listen to Gods call?
Matt and I both have tried so hard to not be prideful about our project this weekend. I know people mean well by thanking us for what we did because we were willing to do Gods work. Honestly, as I sit back and look at the whole picture, and to think that I did it, or Matt did it was completely insane. God's work that was carefully orchestrated over the last year, completely leaves me in awe.
It started last October with backpacks, and then God literally started providing us with free donations from Wal-Mart, in which we had never even asked for. When God literally starts dropping things on you for free, it was at that time that we knew this is really what God wanted us to do all along.
The lady that worked with us all summer long, she works for the same company as my dad. I had called and asked her to see if maybe the company would be willing to donate a case or 2 of copy paper. She began to explain to me of everything that she had asked them to donate to over the years, and she was always turned down. She walked into the office one day, and the girl (the same girl that always turned her down) had seen our story in the paper and said that they could donate to the project, all she had to do was fill out some paper work. A few weeks later we were handed a $200 check. My friend didn't even get a chance to ask them for a donation, they offered it to her.
It really kind of saddens my heart that people were so proud of us. This shouldn't be the uncommon thing to see among Christians. We as Christ followers wants our church to do everything for us, but we don't want to do any of the work ourselves. How many times have you gone to your church and said, Sally Jane needs her electric turned on, can the church take care of that? When fact of the matter is, you had enough money in your wallet to do it yourself all along. People are suffering, and we don't want to sacrifice our time or our money to help them. We are set in our ways and think that we just have to pay our tithes and nothing else, and half of the church probably isn't even doing that.
Matt and I don't have money. We live pay check to pay check. Yes that is our own fault, that we are working diligently to correct, but that doesn't mean we use our lack of money as an excuse to not be able to care for others. I never dreamed that we would have been able to help 250 kids this past week. It wasn't us, we didn't have the money. But what we did have was the willingness to take what God had put on our hearts, even when we didn't fully believe that God could have taken it to this magnitude, and we stepped out on faith. When our faith was a little weak, he would drop school supplies in our laps that we didn't even ask for. We would say, "OK God, we get it, we are going to run with it, I don't know how it's going to work out, but this is obviously what you want us to do."
While we were on vacation we visited a church, and the sermon still speaks to my heart. The pastor said, God placed their church in one the riches communities in their town. Why did he do that? He said another pastor friend of his, his church was in the ghetto part of town. His church is out there reaching out to the homeless, right in the midst of the poor. Obviously the church doesn't bring in a lot of money, because anyone who attends doesn't have much money to give. He began to say that we each have a different roll in the community. God blessed his church with finances, so they can partner with the church in the ghetto, the church that is placed in the midst of poverty, to help them reach the poor and needy.
I may not have money, but I have time, Matt may not be a motivator like me, but God gave him the vision, Linda, well she went to the church that had the financial resources and other connections that we needed, and then he sent us Tim and Kim, who's church had just started a clothes closet just weeks before we were to bring all of this together. All of us from different churches, all of us playing a different roll, all of us working on the same vision. To think I could have ever made all of that happen, is simply crazy.
We should all be willing, we should all be searching for our roll. Saturday I watched several families in need, stories of men in near tears and all because of free school supplies? I don't know about you, but when you can't provide for your kids, and they are having to walk into a school where kids are probably going to make fun of them for what they are wearing, for their torn and old backpacks, and not being able to bring basic school supplies to school, I know I would rather personally go hungry than for my kids to experience the cruelty of kids at school.
Maybe it's time to quit running to your church and asking them do the work that God is telling you to do. Maybe it's time you learn to make a few sacrifices, so someone else has food on their table. If my babies were hungry, and someone driving a new car, and wearing new clothes, talking on their IPhone, with $40 mani pedi's, walked past my hungry babies and never missed a step, I wouldn't have much faith in Christ and I surely woudln't think much of that person. What kind of message are you sending out everyday? My heart is broken right now. I know those 250 kids are in need of so much more than crayons. God is challenging me, that this weekend was just a mere window to be able to see the needs around me. It's my choice to sit and be like everyone else, or will I listen to Gods call?
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Hometown Missions..........
I know so many people are called out to be missionaries, but we cannot overlook the fact that we have so many people in need all around us, so many people in our own neighborhood that doesn't know Jesus. Today I learned a lot about the needs in my hometown. A few years ago, God had placed something on my husbands heart. He wanted to give school supplies away to kids, and he wanted to set it up like a store, so kids can get their school supply list and pick out their own items and choose which backpack they like. So we let that year pass us by, not because God didn't supply, but somehow we were convinced that maybe we weren't really hearing God.
A few months after school started last year, my store ran backpacks on clearance for $2 a peice. God was really tugging on my heart, and I told Matt, I don't know why, but I think we are suppose to buy 100 of those backpacks. We weren't really sure how, because we really didn't have the money, but I just knew that God was going to supply. So we bought them and began asking friends and family if they wanted to donate money to help pay for the 100 backpacks that we had bought. We raised almost the full amount of what we spent.
Within a month or so, once again, our store had scissors, and folders in abundance. Some people in my store knew that we had bought the backpacks, and the store had 800 folders and 200 pairs of scissors they donated to our project. All we had to do was make a small donation to CMN. At this point, we kind of thought God must be telling us something. We were going to have to take on this project, and he was going to help us do it.
In the months to come, God connected us with so many people. People donated supplies, made cash donations, and clothing donations. God united the churches in our community to come together to make a difference in our hometown. One church worked hard to stock up their new clothes closet and open it up today to help the kids in need. One church supplied more backpacks for us, and we had cash donations from churches and area businesses. It was so great to break some religous boundaries, to show people the same Jesus that we ALL serve.
I'm sure that there are stories that I will never know, but I have at least 2 that I can share with you. One of the teachers said that during open house a father of one of her students said it would be 2 weeks before he could afford to buy school supplies. She began to tell him about today, and how he could come and get school supplies for free, and she he nearly broke down and cried.
My second story, is the person of the day. A girl that once was a very good friend of mine in my younger years. I had seen her a few weeks ago. Her grandma had passed away, and she had been more like a mom to her than a grandma. My family had gone to the funeral home to visit with the family and friends, all in which I had known for most my entire life. She began to tell me how much she appreciated the school supplies. Her hours had been cut on her job, and she just didn't have much money. She got her supplies and began to walk out the door, and I could here God telling me, "Don't let her walk away." I turned around and called out her name, and met her at the front door. I began to talk to her about our bible study on Sunday Nights. She wanted to know more. So we talked a few minutes, I could tell she seemed like a person who had really been beat down by life. I invited her to come to my home group, and she seemed excited. I'm praying that she will come tomorrow night.
Thanks to everyone who thanked Matt and I, but to think that this is because of anything we did would be crazy. God gave us so many hands to do his glorious work, and we couldn't have done it without Christ. We had just enough supplies, we had just enough extra money to cover the cost of every pre-k and kindergarten student who needed their $25 fee covered (this is something we had not planned on being able to do). All I ask is that when God is telling you to do something, quit looking for an excuse not to. No, it won't be easy. It may take days, weeks, and even months of work to make it happen, but the end result is the most amazing thing you will ever experience. When you sit back and finally see all the lives that were touched, every minute of every day you spent working on it will seem like nothing. Thing is, God knows the needs before we do, we just need to listen along the way.
A few months after school started last year, my store ran backpacks on clearance for $2 a peice. God was really tugging on my heart, and I told Matt, I don't know why, but I think we are suppose to buy 100 of those backpacks. We weren't really sure how, because we really didn't have the money, but I just knew that God was going to supply. So we bought them and began asking friends and family if they wanted to donate money to help pay for the 100 backpacks that we had bought. We raised almost the full amount of what we spent.
Within a month or so, once again, our store had scissors, and folders in abundance. Some people in my store knew that we had bought the backpacks, and the store had 800 folders and 200 pairs of scissors they donated to our project. All we had to do was make a small donation to CMN. At this point, we kind of thought God must be telling us something. We were going to have to take on this project, and he was going to help us do it.
In the months to come, God connected us with so many people. People donated supplies, made cash donations, and clothing donations. God united the churches in our community to come together to make a difference in our hometown. One church worked hard to stock up their new clothes closet and open it up today to help the kids in need. One church supplied more backpacks for us, and we had cash donations from churches and area businesses. It was so great to break some religous boundaries, to show people the same Jesus that we ALL serve.
I'm sure that there are stories that I will never know, but I have at least 2 that I can share with you. One of the teachers said that during open house a father of one of her students said it would be 2 weeks before he could afford to buy school supplies. She began to tell him about today, and how he could come and get school supplies for free, and she he nearly broke down and cried.
My second story, is the person of the day. A girl that once was a very good friend of mine in my younger years. I had seen her a few weeks ago. Her grandma had passed away, and she had been more like a mom to her than a grandma. My family had gone to the funeral home to visit with the family and friends, all in which I had known for most my entire life. She began to tell me how much she appreciated the school supplies. Her hours had been cut on her job, and she just didn't have much money. She got her supplies and began to walk out the door, and I could here God telling me, "Don't let her walk away." I turned around and called out her name, and met her at the front door. I began to talk to her about our bible study on Sunday Nights. She wanted to know more. So we talked a few minutes, I could tell she seemed like a person who had really been beat down by life. I invited her to come to my home group, and she seemed excited. I'm praying that she will come tomorrow night.
Thanks to everyone who thanked Matt and I, but to think that this is because of anything we did would be crazy. God gave us so many hands to do his glorious work, and we couldn't have done it without Christ. We had just enough supplies, we had just enough extra money to cover the cost of every pre-k and kindergarten student who needed their $25 fee covered (this is something we had not planned on being able to do). All I ask is that when God is telling you to do something, quit looking for an excuse not to. No, it won't be easy. It may take days, weeks, and even months of work to make it happen, but the end result is the most amazing thing you will ever experience. When you sit back and finally see all the lives that were touched, every minute of every day you spent working on it will seem like nothing. Thing is, God knows the needs before we do, we just need to listen along the way.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Memento......
My husband may be the only one to appreciate this blog, so this is for your honey. :)
My husband seeks out meaning in every movie he watches. It seems that no matter what the movie, when it's over he can walk away with something that relates to God or our Christian walk. So, last night we were watching a movie called Memento. In this movie a guy named Lenny, (or is it Lenny?), loses his memory. He has long term memory but no short term memory. By short term memory, I mean he cannot remember anything from 10 minutes ago.
I'm not going to re-create the entire movie, because it is not relevant to my blog. I began to wonder what it would be like if we all had no short term memory. We wouldn't be able to hold grudges from yesterday, and we wouldn't cry over things we didn't have. Every day would be a clean slate, a new start per say. What a difference it would make in our lives.
However, God did not create us this way. He created us to make our own decisions, he gave us the right to hold a grudge, or not. He gave us the ability to make a difference in the world, or not. We do not get do overs. We have to fix our mistakes, we have to learn to forgive and forget the way that God has forgiven and forgotten our sins. Just remember that anything you do or say today, you are going to remember the next day. So make sure it's something you are going to want to remember and remember without regret.
In the movie, not even Lenny's world is perfect, people begin to take advantage of Lenny's (or is it Lenny?)illness. After all, he won't remember what happened 5 minutes from now, so why not use it to their advantage. He doesn't know his friends from his enemies. Just remember, in this life, there is only one thing you can be sure of, and that is God. He is the one constant in our lives. He is the one that teaches us how to live, protects us from our enemies, and calls us to live like him.
My husband seeks out meaning in every movie he watches. It seems that no matter what the movie, when it's over he can walk away with something that relates to God or our Christian walk. So, last night we were watching a movie called Memento. In this movie a guy named Lenny, (or is it Lenny?), loses his memory. He has long term memory but no short term memory. By short term memory, I mean he cannot remember anything from 10 minutes ago.
I'm not going to re-create the entire movie, because it is not relevant to my blog. I began to wonder what it would be like if we all had no short term memory. We wouldn't be able to hold grudges from yesterday, and we wouldn't cry over things we didn't have. Every day would be a clean slate, a new start per say. What a difference it would make in our lives.
However, God did not create us this way. He created us to make our own decisions, he gave us the right to hold a grudge, or not. He gave us the ability to make a difference in the world, or not. We do not get do overs. We have to fix our mistakes, we have to learn to forgive and forget the way that God has forgiven and forgotten our sins. Just remember that anything you do or say today, you are going to remember the next day. So make sure it's something you are going to want to remember and remember without regret.
In the movie, not even Lenny's world is perfect, people begin to take advantage of Lenny's (or is it Lenny?)illness. After all, he won't remember what happened 5 minutes from now, so why not use it to their advantage. He doesn't know his friends from his enemies. Just remember, in this life, there is only one thing you can be sure of, and that is God. He is the one constant in our lives. He is the one that teaches us how to live, protects us from our enemies, and calls us to live like him.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
WHAT VACATION MEANS TO ME.........
va·ca·tion (v-kshn, v-)
n.
1. A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation, especially one with pay granted to an employee.
It has been an amazing week. We weren't able to take a big trip to Walt Disney World, or go to Mexico, but we truly enjoyed the actual meaning of vacation. Honestly, when is the last time your family took an actual vacation. With no worries, no packing or unpacking, just time to hang out together as a family. A carefree week, not having to watch the clock, or answer a phone, no alarm clocks.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel the peer pressure of big vacations, traveling long distances and spending a lot of money. Seriously, when someone asks you what you did on vacation, they don't really want to hear about the fact that you didn't go anywhere. But truth is, we do not have a lot of money. So, with what "cash" money we did have, we enjoyed everyday here at home. OK, we did go to Tulsa one day, but we also had to visit our friends in the hospital.
So why was home so amazing?
1. First of all, I have an amazing family that I love to be around, that alone makes being home enjoyable.
2. My son opened my car door for me, almost everyday this week. (He told me that his Daddy taught him well.)
3. I listened to my kids laughter through 2 entire movies (Despicable Me and Diary of Wimpy Kid). I love to hear them laugh and play together.
4. Anytime was the right time for Ice Cream, or a Sno Cone, Candy, or Nacho's.
5. My kids spent an entire day in Tulsa with us, and when we finally got to a WalMart at 11pm, to get the toy they had been waiting for all day, The Wal-Mart was out of stock. My kids didn't complain one time about waiting til the next day to go to another Wal-Mart.
6. On the way home from Tulsa, my daughter asked us to turn off the radio. She wanted to hear daddy and mama sing silly songs. We turned on the ipod and we all sang and laughed half the way home. The windows were rolled down, and were singing extremely loud while going through a toll booth. It was priceless.
7. We were able to bond with my family, more than we ever have in our 14 years together. What a blessing it will be for me to attend church tomorrow with my younger brother at HIS church.
8. People watching, made it possible for us to talk more about Jesus with our kids. What is the right and wrong way to try to reach people for Christ.
OK.........so I could go on. But I think you get the point. It's not about where you go or how much money you spend. It is about relaxing and bonding with each other. I truly feel that my family did that. I am so thankful for this time that he has given us. Time to refresh our minds and rest our bodies. So slow down, take time to listen to your kids laugh. Take time to have a jam session in the car, play a little air guitar, and air drums, with the windows rolled down. I promise it is moments like these that you will cherish forever. I want to thank my family for a wonderful week. Without you, life would be boring. I love them more than they will ever know.
n.
1. A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation, especially one with pay granted to an employee.
It has been an amazing week. We weren't able to take a big trip to Walt Disney World, or go to Mexico, but we truly enjoyed the actual meaning of vacation. Honestly, when is the last time your family took an actual vacation. With no worries, no packing or unpacking, just time to hang out together as a family. A carefree week, not having to watch the clock, or answer a phone, no alarm clocks.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel the peer pressure of big vacations, traveling long distances and spending a lot of money. Seriously, when someone asks you what you did on vacation, they don't really want to hear about the fact that you didn't go anywhere. But truth is, we do not have a lot of money. So, with what "cash" money we did have, we enjoyed everyday here at home. OK, we did go to Tulsa one day, but we also had to visit our friends in the hospital.
So why was home so amazing?
1. First of all, I have an amazing family that I love to be around, that alone makes being home enjoyable.
2. My son opened my car door for me, almost everyday this week. (He told me that his Daddy taught him well.)
3. I listened to my kids laughter through 2 entire movies (Despicable Me and Diary of Wimpy Kid). I love to hear them laugh and play together.
4. Anytime was the right time for Ice Cream, or a Sno Cone, Candy, or Nacho's.
5. My kids spent an entire day in Tulsa with us, and when we finally got to a WalMart at 11pm, to get the toy they had been waiting for all day, The Wal-Mart was out of stock. My kids didn't complain one time about waiting til the next day to go to another Wal-Mart.
6. On the way home from Tulsa, my daughter asked us to turn off the radio. She wanted to hear daddy and mama sing silly songs. We turned on the ipod and we all sang and laughed half the way home. The windows were rolled down, and were singing extremely loud while going through a toll booth. It was priceless.
7. We were able to bond with my family, more than we ever have in our 14 years together. What a blessing it will be for me to attend church tomorrow with my younger brother at HIS church.
8. People watching, made it possible for us to talk more about Jesus with our kids. What is the right and wrong way to try to reach people for Christ.
OK.........so I could go on. But I think you get the point. It's not about where you go or how much money you spend. It is about relaxing and bonding with each other. I truly feel that my family did that. I am so thankful for this time that he has given us. Time to refresh our minds and rest our bodies. So slow down, take time to listen to your kids laugh. Take time to have a jam session in the car, play a little air guitar, and air drums, with the windows rolled down. I promise it is moments like these that you will cherish forever. I want to thank my family for a wonderful week. Without you, life would be boring. I love them more than they will ever know.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Words to Treasure: Don't Grumble
Sunday I sat with the kids in my Sunday Night Fuel Cell, the words to treasure for the evening was "Do Not Grumble." I asked the kids to very quickly tell me the 5 things they are most thankful for. As we went around the room this is what was said, " air conditioning, food, video games, tv, family, friends, home." Next I asked them, what if you had home, but no food, electricity, or water, now tell me five things you would be most thankful for. The tones changed considerably, it took them a little more time to think about what they were thankful for. This is what I heard, "I would be thankful for a roof over my head, family and friends, and clothes, and one of them even said the backyard."
I began to explain to them a story. A few years ago, God brought me to home. I was told this family didn't have any food in there house. It was a Grandma and Grandpa raising several of their very young grandchildren. None of them had ever had a Christmas, and when I say there wasn't any food in the house, I mean there wasn't one drop of food in the home. I didn't know what to expect when I walked in, but I picked up a few essentials on my way home to take to this family, such as bread, butter, and milk. When I arrived, I was greeted by several smiling kids, playing like any kid would be. I told them, that I heard they needed food, so I had brought a few things by.
This day is forever burned in my heart. I wasn't prepared for what was about to happen next. I remember the roaches crawling everywhere, and these little kids looked in the sack that I had placed on the table, and very excitedly said, "you brought us bread, AND BUTTER, you mean we get to have toast with butter on it." They were so excited, you would have thought someone had given them a million dollars. I remember the hugs, and the smiles, and the tears in their Grandma's eyes. I never felt more humble in my life. I was fighting the tears, and trying to make note of what else was needed in this home.
I went home that evening, feeling ashamed of myself and who I had become. I don't even really get excited about a new shirt, or pair of shoes, or the big TV that sits in my living room. My cabinets are full of food, my closet is full of clothes, my house is full of furniture, my driveway has 2 cars parked in it, and yet I didn't even have an ounce of the excitement that these kids had over bread and butter. I remember walking in my front door that night, and Matt was sitting in his recliner, and I knelt down at his knees and began to cry.
These kids, were full of joy, yet they had nothing, I had everything, and didn't feel that I expressed 1/4 of the joy that they did. They were so thankful for what they had, I didn't hear one word out of them about what they didn't have.
I asked the kids in my Sunday Group how many times they had gone to their fridge or their cabinet and nothing was there. No one could raise their hands. I asked them how many of them didn't have clothes to wear, and once again no one could raise their hands. I challenged my group, the same way that I am about to challenge you. We all have things that we don't need or maybe we are over abundantly blessed with, what do you have that you can give someone else. How about this, lets not just give away the things we don't want, but give away one pair out of the 8 favorite pairs of pants you have in your closet.
Don't grumble about what you don't have, when someone else may have nothing. Find Joy everyday, no matter what life brings you. There is always something to be thankful for. No matter what your situation may be, God can still use you.
I began to explain to them a story. A few years ago, God brought me to home. I was told this family didn't have any food in there house. It was a Grandma and Grandpa raising several of their very young grandchildren. None of them had ever had a Christmas, and when I say there wasn't any food in the house, I mean there wasn't one drop of food in the home. I didn't know what to expect when I walked in, but I picked up a few essentials on my way home to take to this family, such as bread, butter, and milk. When I arrived, I was greeted by several smiling kids, playing like any kid would be. I told them, that I heard they needed food, so I had brought a few things by.
This day is forever burned in my heart. I wasn't prepared for what was about to happen next. I remember the roaches crawling everywhere, and these little kids looked in the sack that I had placed on the table, and very excitedly said, "you brought us bread, AND BUTTER, you mean we get to have toast with butter on it." They were so excited, you would have thought someone had given them a million dollars. I remember the hugs, and the smiles, and the tears in their Grandma's eyes. I never felt more humble in my life. I was fighting the tears, and trying to make note of what else was needed in this home.
I went home that evening, feeling ashamed of myself and who I had become. I don't even really get excited about a new shirt, or pair of shoes, or the big TV that sits in my living room. My cabinets are full of food, my closet is full of clothes, my house is full of furniture, my driveway has 2 cars parked in it, and yet I didn't even have an ounce of the excitement that these kids had over bread and butter. I remember walking in my front door that night, and Matt was sitting in his recliner, and I knelt down at his knees and began to cry.
These kids, were full of joy, yet they had nothing, I had everything, and didn't feel that I expressed 1/4 of the joy that they did. They were so thankful for what they had, I didn't hear one word out of them about what they didn't have.
I asked the kids in my Sunday Group how many times they had gone to their fridge or their cabinet and nothing was there. No one could raise their hands. I asked them how many of them didn't have clothes to wear, and once again no one could raise their hands. I challenged my group, the same way that I am about to challenge you. We all have things that we don't need or maybe we are over abundantly blessed with, what do you have that you can give someone else. How about this, lets not just give away the things we don't want, but give away one pair out of the 8 favorite pairs of pants you have in your closet.
Don't grumble about what you don't have, when someone else may have nothing. Find Joy everyday, no matter what life brings you. There is always something to be thankful for. No matter what your situation may be, God can still use you.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Follow Your Heart
God is a gracious God. He is a man that loved us before we were even born. He is a man that gave us life, and died for our sins so that we may spend eternity with him. He created us for his Glory, not for ours. To think that we can take credit for anything we do on this earth, is absolute insanity. When we give, it is not us that gives, it is God. As my husband tells our kids, we are only the hands that does the work that God lays before us, it is God that gets the glory. It is through Gods word, and Gods guidance that we are placed in the right place at the right time. It is our job to follow our heart, to do what God is leading us to do. However, understand he doesn't need you, but he chose you to be the hands that gives, he chose you to be the mouth that speaks the word in which he created long before we ever existed. Strip yourself of your pride. Lay your heart before God daily. Ask him to open your eyes, to see the needs around you. Ask him to give you the heart and the ability to do the job that he has set before you.
Do not walk away, do not take the easy way out. One day you may be the person sitting in a house with no electric, and two little kids to feed and no food in the cabinets, and you won't be able to. It is then, only when you are in desperate need, that you can truly understand all of the needs you have walked away from in your life. When your kids are hungry, and you have turned to person after person, including who you thought were Christ followers, yet their heart wasn't following God and they kept on walking. Does that remind you of any story you have heard of in the bible?
So why the title, "Follow Your Heart"? That's where my daughter comes in. Today she wore a shirt that read "Follow Your Heart". As I read her shirt, it reminded me of her heart, and things God had laid upon heart. The things she chose to listen to, the lives that have been changed, because my daughter chose to follow the call that God had laid upon her heart. You can't have the excuse of, I don't have enough money to help, or I don't have the time, or I don't know anyone in need.
My daughter came home, her heart broken, because she knew a little girl that was in need. So God began to open doors to help this need before us, and my daughter wanted to help. She went to her room and gathered up some good toys in which she wanted to give. She brought them to me, and out of my ignorance, I said to her," someone is going to buy her new toys, you don't have to give her your old one." She went to her room and cried. God then began to speak to me. See, she was following her heart, and what she felt was the right thing to do. She wanted to be able to help in any way that a 7 year old possibly could. So, I began to cry as God began to break my heart, and said it's not about money, it's about the willingness to Give, and your daughter is willing to give in any way she can.
My daughter will be the first to tell you, we do not allow people to think that it is because of anything we do, that actually helps. But it is Christ that is taking care of them, it is Christ that gives, and we want people to go to Christ and not us. My daughter has taught me the unselfishness of giving, and that if God can use a 7 year old to realize the needs of people around her, he can use anyone. Sometimes it's about being willing to simply share what we already have at our home. When you have nothing, anything is a blessing. People with nothing, are more blessed with our used somethings, than we are to receive something new.
Ask God daily to open your eyes and your heart to see the needs around you. Ask God daily to give you the willingness, to simply share with others, the things that you are abundantly blessed in. Follow your heart daily, and leave your pride at the door. Keep it between you and God. If you allow yourself to brag, you will begin to think it is something you did, and forget that only Christ should receive all glory.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
My last words to my parents and brothers.
First I want to thank God for blessing us with another day. My family is in the kitchen right now, cooking breakfast for dinner. (Zach's Favorite, and mine)and the first meal my husband made for me was breakfast, scrambled eggs with canadian bacon and cheese. Zach and Abby are fussing as usual. :) But they love each other. My wonderful husband is cooking while the kids do dishes. I worked so hard today, and they are trying to give mommy a break. I love my family. They are the best. We have so much fun together. It's making me cry just to sit and listen to them work in the kitchen. Maybe my hubby will give me a foot rub later. What a great way to end a long day. I hope my last day isn't any time soon, because this is the best possible life God could have given me here on earth. I can't imagine how much greater these moments would seem, if I was dying. Every moment would be magnified times ten.
Now to my parents, my mom, what a Godly woman she is.I don't know what I would have done without her. She is a great mom, with a big heart. She loves and cares for my kids almost as much as I do. I know she loves my husband as if he were her own son. We are a team in which we call upon each other whenever needed. I'm there for her, she is there for me. I would say to bury me in one of those crocheted blankets you have made for us, but I want my kids and my husband to cuddle up with them when I'm gone. I want them to be passed down to my grand kids. I want them wrapped around my future grand baby's. I know each one of them were made with love. Mom, I love you, tell my kids and Matt all of the stories you can remember about me. Look at pictures with them, and you will never really have to live without me, because you know I live within all of them.
My dad, I am definitely a Daddy's Girl. I know you are the person in which I could always rely upon. I love you Daddy. Thank you for being a Christian Daddy and great papa. My kids get all of their nuttiness from you, and you know that. You love to joke around with them. I remember you always spoiled us a little more when we were sick. It always required a trip to the store, and you would bring back some Sprite, some chicken noodle soup, and maybe even some chocolate. You still do that sometimes even though I'm 35. My dream was to one day have an old car that my daddy worked on just for me. But I know if you did it for me, 2 more would have to be built for my brother's. Thanks for teaching me to forgive, and that family is always important no matter what stupid things they do. You proved that over and over again, that our mistakes, although they disappointed you, never changed your love for us, or your willingness to help us. I could say the same about mom, you both are awesome parents, and I know that you pray for all of us. Thanks for being a Dad to Matt. You are the only Dad he is had for the last 9 years, and it means a lot to him.
To Danny, My older over protective brother. I love you more than I could ever show. I know that life has been rough. Get back to your roots. We can have 3 jobs to help us pay the bills, and we can work and do our best. But you will never life will never be what it can be, until you get back to church. You never lose your salvation, but you will be miserable if you are not close to God. Let him be the leader of you life. Find a way to spend time with all of those wonderful kids in your life. You know they pray for you, and they would love nothing more than to see their daddy back in church. I know how it feels to be the kid that prays for their family to get in church. Only you, can answer that prayer for your kids. The key to a good marriage, and being a good daddy, is being a good son to your heavenly father. I'm not sure how time has passed so quickly, but it has. I love you big brother. Even when I'm at the end of 10 people you are jumping over with your bike. I would do anything in the world for you or Dave.
To Dave, My little 6'5" brother. what I said to Danny goes for you as well. You will never be happy in this life, until you find happiness in Christ. He needs to be first in your life above all else. You know this, it is not new. You can't lose your salvation, it is yours for all eternity, I know that is not what were taught, but that is how i read it in God's word. That doesn't mean you don't go to church, or dont't read or pray. I remember when you were 15 and you read your bible every night. Your life changed when your walk with God changed. He never left you, and he never will. Lead those kids to church, I want to see them in heaven with you some day, and you are responsible for taking them to church and teaching them the word or God. I love you, despite the fact you think I act to much like your mom and not like a sister. I'm just trying to look out for my little brother. Even when he frogs you on the arm, right on a muscle, to where you can't move it for a week.
Ok, that wonderful dinner my family made, is now waiting for me on the table. Zach has been talking to Matt non stop the entire time they are cooking in the kitchen. I know he is loving every bit of it. Tomorrow, the last words for my nieces and nephews. I love you all. Now, I'm going to have family time.
God Bless
Love Always Angie,
Now to my parents, my mom, what a Godly woman she is.I don't know what I would have done without her. She is a great mom, with a big heart. She loves and cares for my kids almost as much as I do. I know she loves my husband as if he were her own son. We are a team in which we call upon each other whenever needed. I'm there for her, she is there for me. I would say to bury me in one of those crocheted blankets you have made for us, but I want my kids and my husband to cuddle up with them when I'm gone. I want them to be passed down to my grand kids. I want them wrapped around my future grand baby's. I know each one of them were made with love. Mom, I love you, tell my kids and Matt all of the stories you can remember about me. Look at pictures with them, and you will never really have to live without me, because you know I live within all of them.
My dad, I am definitely a Daddy's Girl. I know you are the person in which I could always rely upon. I love you Daddy. Thank you for being a Christian Daddy and great papa. My kids get all of their nuttiness from you, and you know that. You love to joke around with them. I remember you always spoiled us a little more when we were sick. It always required a trip to the store, and you would bring back some Sprite, some chicken noodle soup, and maybe even some chocolate. You still do that sometimes even though I'm 35. My dream was to one day have an old car that my daddy worked on just for me. But I know if you did it for me, 2 more would have to be built for my brother's. Thanks for teaching me to forgive, and that family is always important no matter what stupid things they do. You proved that over and over again, that our mistakes, although they disappointed you, never changed your love for us, or your willingness to help us. I could say the same about mom, you both are awesome parents, and I know that you pray for all of us. Thanks for being a Dad to Matt. You are the only Dad he is had for the last 9 years, and it means a lot to him.
To Danny, My older over protective brother. I love you more than I could ever show. I know that life has been rough. Get back to your roots. We can have 3 jobs to help us pay the bills, and we can work and do our best. But you will never life will never be what it can be, until you get back to church. You never lose your salvation, but you will be miserable if you are not close to God. Let him be the leader of you life. Find a way to spend time with all of those wonderful kids in your life. You know they pray for you, and they would love nothing more than to see their daddy back in church. I know how it feels to be the kid that prays for their family to get in church. Only you, can answer that prayer for your kids. The key to a good marriage, and being a good daddy, is being a good son to your heavenly father. I'm not sure how time has passed so quickly, but it has. I love you big brother. Even when I'm at the end of 10 people you are jumping over with your bike. I would do anything in the world for you or Dave.
To Dave, My little 6'5" brother. what I said to Danny goes for you as well. You will never be happy in this life, until you find happiness in Christ. He needs to be first in your life above all else. You know this, it is not new. You can't lose your salvation, it is yours for all eternity, I know that is not what were taught, but that is how i read it in God's word. That doesn't mean you don't go to church, or dont't read or pray. I remember when you were 15 and you read your bible every night. Your life changed when your walk with God changed. He never left you, and he never will. Lead those kids to church, I want to see them in heaven with you some day, and you are responsible for taking them to church and teaching them the word or God. I love you, despite the fact you think I act to much like your mom and not like a sister. I'm just trying to look out for my little brother. Even when he frogs you on the arm, right on a muscle, to where you can't move it for a week.
Ok, that wonderful dinner my family made, is now waiting for me on the table. Zach has been talking to Matt non stop the entire time they are cooking in the kitchen. I know he is loving every bit of it. Tomorrow, the last words for my nieces and nephews. I love you all. Now, I'm going to have family time.
God Bless
Love Always Angie,
Monday, August 24, 2009
My Last Words Continued.........
So why now you ask? What brings up these last words I want to share? We just ended a sermon series called The Last Message. It really made me think, I need to share my last words because we have not promise of tomorrow. I want to share them with everyone, because in the event I do die, I need my friends and family to be family for my husband and my kids. I need them to remind them of these very words that I shared with you.
When I die, I will need my church family more than I have ever needed them before. Melissa Hendrix, my daughter Abby will need someone to be there to teach her about those girl events in her life. She will need a Godly woman to teach her how to be a Godly woman. She will need you to teach her how to cook, and sew, and how to be good wife, and a good mother. I need you to be there in every big event in her life, and remind her how much her mommy wishes she could be there.
Eric, my husband will need more TV time, and hiking trips, and guy stuff to get his mind off his sorrows.
Shane, Matt will need you now more than ever. He will need you to be the that friend that lives close by who will call him up and keep him in check. He will need your love and support.
Ryan, this is when I need to know that you will call him and check on him as often as possible. I love this man, and I would do anything to wipe away his hurt, but I won't be able to. You are his best friend, promise me that your friendship will be stronger than ever before. Promise me that you will be here to sit beside him on this day.
To my Fuel Cell Family, I need you. I need you to care for my family. Help my husband and my kids. Strengthen them in prayer and love. Eric, if Matt is overwhelmed with emotion, I need you to be able to talk to Zach and love him and help him through this time. I know that Matt will be strong, but they will need all of you to make it through.
I will rely more upon my church family when I am gone, than I do now. I need to know that I am in a place that will stand beside my family. That will hug them, and call them, and drop by and visit them. Promise me, you will do that for me.
Doc, Matt really looks up to you. Your friendship means so much to him. I know that you will look after him when I am gone.
I am glad that God has placed us in a church full of people that I know will love my family. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many special people. I love my church. You guys are the best.
Love In Christ
Angie Duke
When I die, I will need my church family more than I have ever needed them before. Melissa Hendrix, my daughter Abby will need someone to be there to teach her about those girl events in her life. She will need a Godly woman to teach her how to be a Godly woman. She will need you to teach her how to cook, and sew, and how to be good wife, and a good mother. I need you to be there in every big event in her life, and remind her how much her mommy wishes she could be there.
Eric, my husband will need more TV time, and hiking trips, and guy stuff to get his mind off his sorrows.
Shane, Matt will need you now more than ever. He will need you to be the that friend that lives close by who will call him up and keep him in check. He will need your love and support.
Ryan, this is when I need to know that you will call him and check on him as often as possible. I love this man, and I would do anything to wipe away his hurt, but I won't be able to. You are his best friend, promise me that your friendship will be stronger than ever before. Promise me that you will be here to sit beside him on this day.
To my Fuel Cell Family, I need you. I need you to care for my family. Help my husband and my kids. Strengthen them in prayer and love. Eric, if Matt is overwhelmed with emotion, I need you to be able to talk to Zach and love him and help him through this time. I know that Matt will be strong, but they will need all of you to make it through.
I will rely more upon my church family when I am gone, than I do now. I need to know that I am in a place that will stand beside my family. That will hug them, and call them, and drop by and visit them. Promise me, you will do that for me.
Doc, Matt really looks up to you. Your friendship means so much to him. I know that you will look after him when I am gone.
I am glad that God has placed us in a church full of people that I know will love my family. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many special people. I love my church. You guys are the best.
Love In Christ
Angie Duke
Sunday, August 23, 2009
My Last Words.....
I've often wondered what my last day would be like. How old will I be? Will I have lived long enough to see my kids graduate, get married, and have kids of their own? What will people whisper on my funeral day? Will they say that I was a gossip, will they say that I helped others, will they say I was a good mom and good wife, will they know my love for Christ? I could go on and on. I've sat in many funerals, some were saved and some were not. For those who were not, I'm not sure who had the most regret. Was it the one who no longer had a chance to receive Christ in their life, or was it me. What did I not say? What could I have done differently to have changed this day.
If I died today, at age 35. I would be survived by my husband and the love of my life, Matthew Duke, my son Zachary Duke age 9, daughter Abby Duke age 7, my parents, Ray and Sandy Erwin, my brother Danny Erwin and his wife Jamie and their kids, Shanea, Chris, Michael, Danielle, Lucas, Cain, Abel, and Shay. My brother David Erwin, and his kids Coleton and Taylnn, My brother-in-law Chuck Duke and his wife Kelly, and their kids Adam, and Katie, My mother-in-law Lelah Duke, and many Aunts,Uncles, Cousins, friends and co-workers, My Fuel Cell Family, Melissa and Eric Hendrix, Mike and Melissa Schoeppey and their kids Amber and Isaac.
To my husband, Matt, God knew what he was doing when he placed you in my life. I made so many wrong decisions until I finally made the right one. You have been an amazing husband and father. You have provided a wonderful home for our family. We have had a good life together. No one will ever know, understand, or love me the way you do. I know that our marriage hasn't always been perfect, but our love for each other and the forgiveness in our hearts pulled us through those times and now we are closer than we have ever been before. I know that when I am gone, it will be hard on you and the kids. But you are the spiritual leader in our home. You will need to cling to Christ, and not drown in your sorrows. Our kids need you, they need your leadership, they need your love, and they need your strength. It is OK to mourn, but it is not OK to let mourning overtake your life. I know you will never forget me, and I know there will never be a love greater than ours, but know that it is OK to go on, to find a Godly woman to stand beside you through the rest of this life. A woman that will be a mother to our kids, but will allow them to never forget their mom. Neither one of us ever want or desire for this to happen in our life. Always remember that as long as you have breath in your longs, there is work to be done for God. Stay in your quiet time, and your prayer time, and continue to do anything that God leads you to do.
To my son Zach, my first born. You stole my heart from day one. There is so much love inside of you and always has been since the day you were born. We cuddled so often, you would play with my hair, and want me or daddy to rock you in our arms. Even now at 9, I will be cooking dinner, or just sitting on the couch watching TV, and down the hallway you would come,just to tell me you love me and give me that ever so famous Zach Bear Hug. You know those are my favorites. Use that love to serve Christ, and to serve your wife some day. Be a good big brother to your sister, no matter how much we may be annoying, us little sisters look up to our big brothers. Be a Godly example to her, be strong for Daddy, he will need you. I'm sure there will be many hikes, and you will be able to remember the day you found my keys, or you would pull the branches back and allow mom to walk through. I'm sorry for any time that I ever yelled at you. I hope you know how much I love you, and I tried my best to raise you in the way God would want me to. Thanks for the love you have given me. Let your Daddy teach you how to be a good Godly husband. I promise, he knows what he's talking about it.
To my daughter Abby, my little me. We share so many stories, I'm sure you will relive more of my life as you grow up. You will always remember the scars on our foreheads, our broken arms, and lets not forget we were both born breach. I will always live inside your heart, I will be there on your wedding day, when you are putting on your dress and remember the day when you were 7 and we pulled my wedding dress out of the closet and your tried it on and modeled it for Daddy. You will remember when you are fixing your hair, and remember every morning that I fixed your hair before school, and when you paint your nails, you will remember our girl days. When your kids are driving you crazy and you sit and relax in a hot bubble bath in a candle lit bathroom, you will think of the days we had our special girl time. Never stop laughing, which is why you have those precious little varicous veins in your cheeks. Use your smiles to make a difference in other peoples lives. Never let a guy use you or take advantage of you. You are a beautiful girl who deserves the very best. A guy that will lead your home, provide for you and your family, and keep you faithful to God. He will tell you how beautiful you are, and make you feel like the only woman on the face of this earth. They do exist, i have one of those guys.
I love all of you so much. It is all three of you that has made my life the most wonderful life I could ever imagine having. Never, upon never, lose touch with each other. Never let distance pull you guys apart. Promise me to stay close together, to love each other, and to talk to each other often. Never let anything change that closeness. Stay in church, keep working for Christ and do all you can do. If dad ever remarries, love is wife, and allow her to be a part of your lives. Allow her to be a part of your kids lives. I know Daddy would never choose anyone, unless they loved you guys. But know in your hearts, that even if Daddy remarries, doesn't mean he has forgotten me or lost his love for me, he just doesn't want to be lonely when you guys are out of the house.
This is only part one of my last words. But they are the most important part of my life. So if tomorrow was my day, I would have at least wanted to share this with them. I love my family. I wished I had not wasted my life and made so many mistakes. But going forward, I promise to do better, to walk a better walk, and to show my love you to guys daily.
With All My Love
Angie
Sweet
Mom
If I died today, at age 35. I would be survived by my husband and the love of my life, Matthew Duke, my son Zachary Duke age 9, daughter Abby Duke age 7, my parents, Ray and Sandy Erwin, my brother Danny Erwin and his wife Jamie and their kids, Shanea, Chris, Michael, Danielle, Lucas, Cain, Abel, and Shay. My brother David Erwin, and his kids Coleton and Taylnn, My brother-in-law Chuck Duke and his wife Kelly, and their kids Adam, and Katie, My mother-in-law Lelah Duke, and many Aunts,Uncles, Cousins, friends and co-workers, My Fuel Cell Family, Melissa and Eric Hendrix, Mike and Melissa Schoeppey and their kids Amber and Isaac.
To my husband, Matt, God knew what he was doing when he placed you in my life. I made so many wrong decisions until I finally made the right one. You have been an amazing husband and father. You have provided a wonderful home for our family. We have had a good life together. No one will ever know, understand, or love me the way you do. I know that our marriage hasn't always been perfect, but our love for each other and the forgiveness in our hearts pulled us through those times and now we are closer than we have ever been before. I know that when I am gone, it will be hard on you and the kids. But you are the spiritual leader in our home. You will need to cling to Christ, and not drown in your sorrows. Our kids need you, they need your leadership, they need your love, and they need your strength. It is OK to mourn, but it is not OK to let mourning overtake your life. I know you will never forget me, and I know there will never be a love greater than ours, but know that it is OK to go on, to find a Godly woman to stand beside you through the rest of this life. A woman that will be a mother to our kids, but will allow them to never forget their mom. Neither one of us ever want or desire for this to happen in our life. Always remember that as long as you have breath in your longs, there is work to be done for God. Stay in your quiet time, and your prayer time, and continue to do anything that God leads you to do.
To my son Zach, my first born. You stole my heart from day one. There is so much love inside of you and always has been since the day you were born. We cuddled so often, you would play with my hair, and want me or daddy to rock you in our arms. Even now at 9, I will be cooking dinner, or just sitting on the couch watching TV, and down the hallway you would come,just to tell me you love me and give me that ever so famous Zach Bear Hug. You know those are my favorites. Use that love to serve Christ, and to serve your wife some day. Be a good big brother to your sister, no matter how much we may be annoying, us little sisters look up to our big brothers. Be a Godly example to her, be strong for Daddy, he will need you. I'm sure there will be many hikes, and you will be able to remember the day you found my keys, or you would pull the branches back and allow mom to walk through. I'm sorry for any time that I ever yelled at you. I hope you know how much I love you, and I tried my best to raise you in the way God would want me to. Thanks for the love you have given me. Let your Daddy teach you how to be a good Godly husband. I promise, he knows what he's talking about it.
To my daughter Abby, my little me. We share so many stories, I'm sure you will relive more of my life as you grow up. You will always remember the scars on our foreheads, our broken arms, and lets not forget we were both born breach. I will always live inside your heart, I will be there on your wedding day, when you are putting on your dress and remember the day when you were 7 and we pulled my wedding dress out of the closet and your tried it on and modeled it for Daddy. You will remember when you are fixing your hair, and remember every morning that I fixed your hair before school, and when you paint your nails, you will remember our girl days. When your kids are driving you crazy and you sit and relax in a hot bubble bath in a candle lit bathroom, you will think of the days we had our special girl time. Never stop laughing, which is why you have those precious little varicous veins in your cheeks. Use your smiles to make a difference in other peoples lives. Never let a guy use you or take advantage of you. You are a beautiful girl who deserves the very best. A guy that will lead your home, provide for you and your family, and keep you faithful to God. He will tell you how beautiful you are, and make you feel like the only woman on the face of this earth. They do exist, i have one of those guys.
I love all of you so much. It is all three of you that has made my life the most wonderful life I could ever imagine having. Never, upon never, lose touch with each other. Never let distance pull you guys apart. Promise me to stay close together, to love each other, and to talk to each other often. Never let anything change that closeness. Stay in church, keep working for Christ and do all you can do. If dad ever remarries, love is wife, and allow her to be a part of your lives. Allow her to be a part of your kids lives. I know Daddy would never choose anyone, unless they loved you guys. But know in your hearts, that even if Daddy remarries, doesn't mean he has forgotten me or lost his love for me, he just doesn't want to be lonely when you guys are out of the house.
This is only part one of my last words. But they are the most important part of my life. So if tomorrow was my day, I would have at least wanted to share this with them. I love my family. I wished I had not wasted my life and made so many mistakes. But going forward, I promise to do better, to walk a better walk, and to show my love you to guys daily.
With All My Love
Angie
Sweet
Mom
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
In God We Trust
Have you ever had one of those days? One of those days when worry and doubt seem to over rule your trust in God. It's not hard to do. Let me tell it to you, pretty much the way the devil was telling me.
Car payment is due tomorrow, I have a new air conditioner under my carport that I need to pay about $300 to have it installed and the guy is suppose to come this week. I have a fear that the person who bought my car, may not be able to make their car payment to me, due to a misunderstanding on my behalf, oh, and this car payment was going to take care of my car payment due tomorrow. I take Zach to the dentist, and she comes out and says, he will definitely need to get braces. Of course my question is, How much will that cost? She says, About $5000.00. I have been having trouble with my eyes, I get headaches when I read or even do work on my computer. I need an eye exam and most likely glasses. It all sounds pretty bad, RIGHT? When someone is making it from paycheck to paycheck, one unexpected expense alone can hurt, but all of these at once, can really do some harm.
Matt was got home late tonight, so I mowed the yard. As I mowed, financial matters kept swimming through my head. I'm trying really hard to figure it all out. Now let me lay down the story the way God told it to me. Remember, I'm mowing, and God says, How much did you have to pay for that lawn mower you are using? Of course, I'm reminded that my lawn mower broke down, and he provided me a great lawn mower that cost me all of $0.00. (Thanks Mikey) I thought to myself, yeah God, you provided me with a lawn mower. Then he said, how much did you pay for that new air conditioning unit waiting to be installed, and once again the answer was $0.00. He went on to say, what about the dishwasher you use to wash dishes with everyday for the last year and a half, and once again $10. I thought, OK, OK, I get it, I have a need and you have provided, so why worry now.
I was feeling pretty good, how can you possibly not trust God after all of that. I took a shower, and started dinner, and my phone rang. It was God, in the form of my dad, saying, you know if you ever need anything all you have to do is call. My inner pride starts to well up within me, and I said I know but it will be OK. Really I have peace about it, and it's going to work out. He said, maybe that's God's way of taking care of you was having me call. I told my dad, I know you are always there. But I also know, I don't take advantage of my dad. I won't go to him, unless I honestly and truly feel like I can't take care of it on my own. I know he will be the first to tell you, that is a very rare occasion.
I really worried about calling this person about the money for the car payment. What if they needed the money, as much as I did? I don't want any weirdness between us. So I began to pray for them, and their finances and their needs. I tried to call them, and no one answered. I sat down at the kitchen table with my kids, and began their devotion time. I said tonight's devotion, is something God spoke to me about while I mowed the yard. I began to explain every detail of how God has blessed us and took care of us. Then we read Psalms 62:8 that read "Trust in the Lord in all things." My phone rang in the middle of my devotion, my car payment will be at my house tomorrow.
A year and half ago, my husband worked two jobs. He was gone every other weekend. We didn't get to spend much time together. We really felt that God was telling us that he needed to quit his second job. On paper, I couldn't make it work. As I sat down with my kids tonight, I thought to myself, it's been about 16 months since Matt worked two jobs. We still have our house, the utilities have never been turned off, our bills have been paid, and my husband never has to miss church, or time with his family. "Trust in the Lord in all Thing."
If we could sit down and figure everything out, and make sense of absolutely everything, we would never have to trust in the Lord. I am so thankful that my God is taking care of us. We are blessed far more than we deserve. I know that God isn't going to give me an air conditioner without a way to put it in, and I know that God is going to take care of my eye exam. I am so thankful for so many people that God has worked through to take care of my needs. So many times, it's not about how much money you can give someone, it's about how much of your time you are wiling to be Jesus to someone else.
I'm thankful for my Dad, for Mike Jr, Shane and Mary, my fuel cell family, and everyone who took time to be Jesus to me and my family, in whatever way I needed Jesus to show up that day. Use your talents and time for the Lord. It will make a great difference in the lives of others.
I'm thankful for a God that blessed me with what I needed, and even sent an extra blessing with things I may not have needed, but God knew what it meant it to me and blessed me with it anyway. Trust in the Lord In ALL Things.
Car payment is due tomorrow, I have a new air conditioner under my carport that I need to pay about $300 to have it installed and the guy is suppose to come this week. I have a fear that the person who bought my car, may not be able to make their car payment to me, due to a misunderstanding on my behalf, oh, and this car payment was going to take care of my car payment due tomorrow. I take Zach to the dentist, and she comes out and says, he will definitely need to get braces. Of course my question is, How much will that cost? She says, About $5000.00. I have been having trouble with my eyes, I get headaches when I read or even do work on my computer. I need an eye exam and most likely glasses. It all sounds pretty bad, RIGHT? When someone is making it from paycheck to paycheck, one unexpected expense alone can hurt, but all of these at once, can really do some harm.
Matt was got home late tonight, so I mowed the yard. As I mowed, financial matters kept swimming through my head. I'm trying really hard to figure it all out. Now let me lay down the story the way God told it to me. Remember, I'm mowing, and God says, How much did you have to pay for that lawn mower you are using? Of course, I'm reminded that my lawn mower broke down, and he provided me a great lawn mower that cost me all of $0.00. (Thanks Mikey) I thought to myself, yeah God, you provided me with a lawn mower. Then he said, how much did you pay for that new air conditioning unit waiting to be installed, and once again the answer was $0.00. He went on to say, what about the dishwasher you use to wash dishes with everyday for the last year and a half, and once again $10. I thought, OK, OK, I get it, I have a need and you have provided, so why worry now.
I was feeling pretty good, how can you possibly not trust God after all of that. I took a shower, and started dinner, and my phone rang. It was God, in the form of my dad, saying, you know if you ever need anything all you have to do is call. My inner pride starts to well up within me, and I said I know but it will be OK. Really I have peace about it, and it's going to work out. He said, maybe that's God's way of taking care of you was having me call. I told my dad, I know you are always there. But I also know, I don't take advantage of my dad. I won't go to him, unless I honestly and truly feel like I can't take care of it on my own. I know he will be the first to tell you, that is a very rare occasion.
I really worried about calling this person about the money for the car payment. What if they needed the money, as much as I did? I don't want any weirdness between us. So I began to pray for them, and their finances and their needs. I tried to call them, and no one answered. I sat down at the kitchen table with my kids, and began their devotion time. I said tonight's devotion, is something God spoke to me about while I mowed the yard. I began to explain every detail of how God has blessed us and took care of us. Then we read Psalms 62:8 that read "Trust in the Lord in all things." My phone rang in the middle of my devotion, my car payment will be at my house tomorrow.
A year and half ago, my husband worked two jobs. He was gone every other weekend. We didn't get to spend much time together. We really felt that God was telling us that he needed to quit his second job. On paper, I couldn't make it work. As I sat down with my kids tonight, I thought to myself, it's been about 16 months since Matt worked two jobs. We still have our house, the utilities have never been turned off, our bills have been paid, and my husband never has to miss church, or time with his family. "Trust in the Lord in all Thing."
If we could sit down and figure everything out, and make sense of absolutely everything, we would never have to trust in the Lord. I am so thankful that my God is taking care of us. We are blessed far more than we deserve. I know that God isn't going to give me an air conditioner without a way to put it in, and I know that God is going to take care of my eye exam. I am so thankful for so many people that God has worked through to take care of my needs. So many times, it's not about how much money you can give someone, it's about how much of your time you are wiling to be Jesus to someone else.
I'm thankful for my Dad, for Mike Jr, Shane and Mary, my fuel cell family, and everyone who took time to be Jesus to me and my family, in whatever way I needed Jesus to show up that day. Use your talents and time for the Lord. It will make a great difference in the lives of others.
I'm thankful for a God that blessed me with what I needed, and even sent an extra blessing with things I may not have needed, but God knew what it meant it to me and blessed me with it anyway. Trust in the Lord In ALL Things.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Lucydog
About ten years ago, my husband and I drove pass the bank on Rogers Ave across from Wal-Mart. What did we see? A couple giving away dogs. They were the cutest little lab puppies you have ever seen. Matt and I had never had a dog as a couple, up until this point we had lived in an apartment. Just a few months before we got Lucydog, we had rented a house in Spiro. Well, that day would be the day that Matt and I got our first dog, as a married couple. We had only been married two years, and had just found out that we were expecting our first child.
We spoiled our dog rotten. If you have never had a lab puppy, they are very frisky little dogs. Lucydog dug many holes in the back yard, and chewed the trim on our rent house. But we never had to potty train her, she knew what to do from day one.
It was the funniest thing, one night it was storming outside. Lucydog has always been terrified of storms. I remember her standing at the front glass door, just waiting for the weather to ease up so she could go outside and pee. The weather did not ease up any time soon, and poor little Lucy could not stand it anymore. We opened the door and she ran out to the middle of the yard as fast as she could, she did her business and ran back in.
She has been a part of everything in our life. She has always been so good with our kids. They love her so much. But she is Daddy's baby. She would sit with him in his building when he worked in his shop, she knew who her master was. We have tons of memory's of our precious Lucydog. Abby used to ride on her back like a horse, when she barely able to walk. I can't tell you how many times our dog jumped into our kids swimming pool. She didn't like the rain, but she loved the swimming pool. One of her favorite things in the summer, my kids feeding her popsicles.
She has loved us, protected us, jumped on us, and played catch with us. But today we found out, her time with us is almost over. Our beloved Lucydog has cancer, and heart worms. She is getting tired, and we are living out Marley and Me in real life.
We picked the kids up from my moms, and we talked to them as we drove down the road. We explained that Lucydog was really sick and that there was nothing else we could do for her. we told them it was our job to just love on her and give her the best possible few days left that we could. My poor little Abby immediately burst into tears, in her own dramatic, yet very heartfelt way. She sometimes came home from school, went straight into Lucydogs pen and played with her. Zach had his face in between his knees, trying to be a tough little man, and not wanting us to see. He raised he little face and tears were rolling down his little face. Needless to say, there wasn't a dry eye in the truck. Their poor little hurts broke.
We went to Sonic, Lucydog, with us, and we even ordered a meal for Lucydog. The kids helped to pick out what she would eat. That really helped cheer them up. They thought it was funny that Lucydog was going to have Sonic food with us. They have hovered around her all evening, brushing her, hugging her, and praying for their dog. After all, they have had her their entire life.
Keep us in your prayers.
We spoiled our dog rotten. If you have never had a lab puppy, they are very frisky little dogs. Lucydog dug many holes in the back yard, and chewed the trim on our rent house. But we never had to potty train her, she knew what to do from day one.
It was the funniest thing, one night it was storming outside. Lucydog has always been terrified of storms. I remember her standing at the front glass door, just waiting for the weather to ease up so she could go outside and pee. The weather did not ease up any time soon, and poor little Lucy could not stand it anymore. We opened the door and she ran out to the middle of the yard as fast as she could, she did her business and ran back in.
She has been a part of everything in our life. She has always been so good with our kids. They love her so much. But she is Daddy's baby. She would sit with him in his building when he worked in his shop, she knew who her master was. We have tons of memory's of our precious Lucydog. Abby used to ride on her back like a horse, when she barely able to walk. I can't tell you how many times our dog jumped into our kids swimming pool. She didn't like the rain, but she loved the swimming pool. One of her favorite things in the summer, my kids feeding her popsicles.
She has loved us, protected us, jumped on us, and played catch with us. But today we found out, her time with us is almost over. Our beloved Lucydog has cancer, and heart worms. She is getting tired, and we are living out Marley and Me in real life.
We picked the kids up from my moms, and we talked to them as we drove down the road. We explained that Lucydog was really sick and that there was nothing else we could do for her. we told them it was our job to just love on her and give her the best possible few days left that we could. My poor little Abby immediately burst into tears, in her own dramatic, yet very heartfelt way. She sometimes came home from school, went straight into Lucydogs pen and played with her. Zach had his face in between his knees, trying to be a tough little man, and not wanting us to see. He raised he little face and tears were rolling down his little face. Needless to say, there wasn't a dry eye in the truck. Their poor little hurts broke.
We went to Sonic, Lucydog, with us, and we even ordered a meal for Lucydog. The kids helped to pick out what she would eat. That really helped cheer them up. They thought it was funny that Lucydog was going to have Sonic food with us. They have hovered around her all evening, brushing her, hugging her, and praying for their dog. After all, they have had her their entire life.
Keep us in your prayers.
Monday, April 27, 2009
What have you given to Jesus?
What have you given to Jesus lately? Every evening we sit down with our kids at dinner and have devotion time and prayer. All of that is great, but devotion and prayer is not enough. What kind of life example's have you been to your kids, your friends, your spouse, or your family?
We have been asked to help to take care of Mrs Sue upon occasion. I am not patting myself on the back, by any means. One night we had left her house, and Matt turned to the kids, and said, "Do you know that we helped Jesus tonight?" The kids looked at him kind of funny, and said, "what do you mean?" That night devotion time happened on the way home. We explained to our kids why we help people and how the bible says that if you give someone a glass of water, it is like you give it to Jesus. So whenever we help anyone, it is as if we helped Jesus. It became real to me that night. Of course we have devotion time, but what am I doing to show my kids what it means to be Jesus to someone else. How often am I willing to give to Jesus, even when it's not convenient for me.
I am blessed to be a part of a church, who gives to Jesus daily. Just over the last few weeks alone, people have helped us with our vehicle, I sent out an email about needing to purchase a lawn mower, and within 24 hours, someone had brought a lawn mower to our house to borrow, someone else was helping us look for a lawn mower, and yet another person called to say we could borrow their mower until we bought one. Last week God brought to us a girl in need.
Once again I sent out an email about this girl in need of a job, and with a day, I had received 4 emails of possible job leads, one email just offering to be her friend and willing to hang out with her, and the Care Ministry provided her with some money to help her until she could find a job.
I can't say it enough, that if you are not in a fuel cell, get into one. It is not just a study time, it is time to get close to your church family. Our Fuel Cell is there for each other, we truly love and care for each other, in a way that I have never experienced before. If you need a room painted, your family is there, if you need prayer and support, your fuel cell family is there, if you need a babysitter, your fuel cell family is there. I can't tell you how much we lean upon each other, and genuinely care for one another. Once again, by example, we show the love of Christ to each other daily.
Honestly, I could go on and on, but I think you get my point. I want my kids to not only learn by devotion time, but to learn by example. Our church is full of examples of what it means to give to Jesus daily. I could name names, but I know these people well enough to know, they do not do things for recognition, they do it because of their love for Christ. I love my church, because my church loves Jesus.
We have been asked to help to take care of Mrs Sue upon occasion. I am not patting myself on the back, by any means. One night we had left her house, and Matt turned to the kids, and said, "Do you know that we helped Jesus tonight?" The kids looked at him kind of funny, and said, "what do you mean?" That night devotion time happened on the way home. We explained to our kids why we help people and how the bible says that if you give someone a glass of water, it is like you give it to Jesus. So whenever we help anyone, it is as if we helped Jesus. It became real to me that night. Of course we have devotion time, but what am I doing to show my kids what it means to be Jesus to someone else. How often am I willing to give to Jesus, even when it's not convenient for me.
I am blessed to be a part of a church, who gives to Jesus daily. Just over the last few weeks alone, people have helped us with our vehicle, I sent out an email about needing to purchase a lawn mower, and within 24 hours, someone had brought a lawn mower to our house to borrow, someone else was helping us look for a lawn mower, and yet another person called to say we could borrow their mower until we bought one. Last week God brought to us a girl in need.
Once again I sent out an email about this girl in need of a job, and with a day, I had received 4 emails of possible job leads, one email just offering to be her friend and willing to hang out with her, and the Care Ministry provided her with some money to help her until she could find a job.
I can't say it enough, that if you are not in a fuel cell, get into one. It is not just a study time, it is time to get close to your church family. Our Fuel Cell is there for each other, we truly love and care for each other, in a way that I have never experienced before. If you need a room painted, your family is there, if you need prayer and support, your fuel cell family is there, if you need a babysitter, your fuel cell family is there. I can't tell you how much we lean upon each other, and genuinely care for one another. Once again, by example, we show the love of Christ to each other daily.
Honestly, I could go on and on, but I think you get my point. I want my kids to not only learn by devotion time, but to learn by example. Our church is full of examples of what it means to give to Jesus daily. I could name names, but I know these people well enough to know, they do not do things for recognition, they do it because of their love for Christ. I love my church, because my church loves Jesus.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Here comes the bride.........
October 8, 1988 a little girl was born. She was beautiful, and perfect in every way. She had beautiful brown hair, and tiny little fingers. If I remember correctly, she had a birth mark on the back her neck. A birth mark that my family claims as the "Erwin" mark. Many of our family members have the same birth mark on the back of their head just around the neck line. She was the first of six niece's and nephew's on my side of the family.
I was just a child myself when she was born. I was only 15 years old. I did not miss one part of the pregnancy. I was able to go to doctor's visits with her mom. In some small way, I was a part of that baby growing inside of her belly, at least as much as I could be. I was so excited. I remember the day she was born. We waited impatiently in the waiting room. My brother, who was only 18 at the time, I had never seen him so nervous. He was this skinny little kid, and I remember as he pulled open the doors to the maternity ward, he nearly passed out. Before we knew, this beautiful baby was born.
Her mom ended up having to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks. She had a high fever that would not break, and the doctor's could not figure out what was wrong. My dad loved her like a daughter, and he worried about her. So much, that I remember his little chat with the doctor's in the hallway, that he wanted to know what was wrong with her and they already wasted too much time figuring it out. By the time Sandy came home, she was back down to her normal size, as if she had never been pregnant.
My niece lived with us for a few short months. My heart became deeply attached to that precious little girl. More so than I ever could have imagined. I helped take care of her when Sandy was working, I helped her with over night feedings. I became very attached to this precious little baby.
I wish I could share with you everything I know about her life, but for me, that is all of the life I was blessed to know. Even though I may not have seen her first steps, or heard about her first day of school, I can't even tell you about her 16th birthday. But I remembered her everyday of my life. I prayed for her daily, and the love I have her lies deep within my heart. The circumstances that prevented me from knowing her, were not ones that a 15 year old girl could change. But no circumstance on earth, could change the love I have her. Nothing could ever stop me from praying for her, caring for her, and hoping that one day she will want to know this person that loves her so much.
Tonight, that baby girl became a woman. A woman that is now wife. Today was her wedding day. I can't believe that 20 years have gone by, and all I can share with you is her birth story. I had hoped to see her in her beautiful dress. This is her special day. I prayed for her today, I prayed that this day was everything she had ever dreamed of. I prayed that God has given her man that will love her, and cherish her, and make her feel as though she is the most important and most beautiful woman on the face of the earth. I may not have been there, but I thought of her all day today.
I opened up my facebook, and someone had posted a picture of her from tonight. She looked amazing. Her dress was strapless, simple, yet elegant. Her hair was beautiful, it looked as though she had a little curl on the sides. A tear began to roll down my face. I hate everyday that I miss another day of her life. As one tear fell, several more began to follow. I'm so happy for her. I wish she could know the love I have for her in my heart. I pray that she is blessed with a wonderful life. I will never give up. As my daughter has taught me this week, it just takes a little faith and little prayer. I will never give up on one day being a part of her very special life.
I was just a child myself when she was born. I was only 15 years old. I did not miss one part of the pregnancy. I was able to go to doctor's visits with her mom. In some small way, I was a part of that baby growing inside of her belly, at least as much as I could be. I was so excited. I remember the day she was born. We waited impatiently in the waiting room. My brother, who was only 18 at the time, I had never seen him so nervous. He was this skinny little kid, and I remember as he pulled open the doors to the maternity ward, he nearly passed out. Before we knew, this beautiful baby was born.
Her mom ended up having to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks. She had a high fever that would not break, and the doctor's could not figure out what was wrong. My dad loved her like a daughter, and he worried about her. So much, that I remember his little chat with the doctor's in the hallway, that he wanted to know what was wrong with her and they already wasted too much time figuring it out. By the time Sandy came home, she was back down to her normal size, as if she had never been pregnant.
My niece lived with us for a few short months. My heart became deeply attached to that precious little girl. More so than I ever could have imagined. I helped take care of her when Sandy was working, I helped her with over night feedings. I became very attached to this precious little baby.
I wish I could share with you everything I know about her life, but for me, that is all of the life I was blessed to know. Even though I may not have seen her first steps, or heard about her first day of school, I can't even tell you about her 16th birthday. But I remembered her everyday of my life. I prayed for her daily, and the love I have her lies deep within my heart. The circumstances that prevented me from knowing her, were not ones that a 15 year old girl could change. But no circumstance on earth, could change the love I have her. Nothing could ever stop me from praying for her, caring for her, and hoping that one day she will want to know this person that loves her so much.
Tonight, that baby girl became a woman. A woman that is now wife. Today was her wedding day. I can't believe that 20 years have gone by, and all I can share with you is her birth story. I had hoped to see her in her beautiful dress. This is her special day. I prayed for her today, I prayed that this day was everything she had ever dreamed of. I prayed that God has given her man that will love her, and cherish her, and make her feel as though she is the most important and most beautiful woman on the face of the earth. I may not have been there, but I thought of her all day today.
I opened up my facebook, and someone had posted a picture of her from tonight. She looked amazing. Her dress was strapless, simple, yet elegant. Her hair was beautiful, it looked as though she had a little curl on the sides. A tear began to roll down my face. I hate everyday that I miss another day of her life. As one tear fell, several more began to follow. I'm so happy for her. I wish she could know the love I have for her in my heart. I pray that she is blessed with a wonderful life. I will never give up. As my daughter has taught me this week, it just takes a little faith and little prayer. I will never give up on one day being a part of her very special life.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
My Mini Twin
Well, my daughter broke her arm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It's one of those things that just seems to happen. Well, what would you think if I told you how much my daughter and I are truly alike. We were both born breach, at the age of 2 we both busted our heads open on the corner of a table and had to get stitches, we both have beautiful matching scars on our foreheads, and now the broken wrist. I was five and she is now six, both of us with a broken left wrist. We have laughed about this, and my daughter and son are very amused by the story. Just remember, our kids walk in our shoes more than we will ever know. My son is nine, never had a stitch, or a broken bone. :) I'm thinking that he will follow in his daddy's shoes. At least he has my artistic ability. But he likes the same kind of things his daddy likes, he is almost a mirror image of his daddy. He is very particular about how he arranges the clothes in his dresser, the kind of shoes he wears, and takes interest in the same things his daddy does. It amazes me, that even without trying, our kids take on our characteristics and even some of our habits. So be careful what you do and what you say, because little eye's are always watching.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I Love My Church
A little over two years ago, I found myself hurt by church. I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want to pray or read my bible. Questions were encamped in my brain, is this what church is really suppose to be like? Should anyone ever feel not accepted at any church? I wore the right clothes, I rarely missed a service, I was actively involved in the church, I paid my tithes. Why did I feel so left out, and so disconnected from what was suppose to be God's people.
My friend once told me that her mom said to her, if you can't live close to family, find a good church where you live and they will be your family. I did not feel this way. I did not feel as though I was surrounded by family. When I think of family, I think of people that are going to love you no matter what. People that are there to help pick you up when you are down. People that can be your strength when you are weak. People that want to share life with you, laugh with you, cry with you, and pray with you.
I am reminded every March 31st, on my husbands birthday, of this low point in our life. No, not because it's my husbands birthday, but because it is also the same day that Shane and Mary's son passed away. It's been three years now, since little Nate passed away. I would love to say that I can tell you all of these wonderful stories about Nate, but truth is I had only met Nate once or twice. I do not think it is a coincidence that this happened on Matt's birthday, because it always stands as a reminder of where we were headed and where God has brought us to today.
You may be wondering what does Nate have to do with this story. As Shane and Mary know I can make a long story out of this, but I will try to give you the short version. Shane coached our son's t-ball team. We did not know Shane, honestly we did not know at first that he was a pastor. We knew he was a Christ follower, but was not your ordinary Pocola, OK pastor in a suit and tie. He was a normal Dad involved in his kid's lives. During the first weeks of t-ball practice, Nate got sick. In a very short period of time Nate was gone. Zach and Sammy were in class together, we offered to help get him to t-ball games and we began to watch a couple in the days and months to come, cope with the loss of their son. Matt and I were attending church, and had been attending the same church since the day we got married.
One reason we had never changed churches, we just didn't know of a place we really wanted to go to. Watching Shane and Mary over the course of the year after their sons loss, sparked something inside of me. I told my husband, I need to take our kids some where, so I'm going to take them to FBC on Sunday. The kids had attended VBS there and really liked it, so I thought we should try it. I came home energized, and constantly talking about the service and the people. Many of which are still with us at Fuel. They made me feel welcome from day one, and I knew that is where God wanted me to be. However, I am not the head of our home, luckily my spark, sparked something in my husband and together we went. I remember one Sunday Morning, we sat in service after a few short weeks, and my husband passed me a note that said, I am as sure that this is where we are suppose to be as I was sure about marrying you. We joined the church that day, and Mary hugged me afterwards and said, " I knew today was the day."
Every March 31st, I am reminded of the purpose of that little boys life. Every March 31st, I am reminded that God has placed us where we are suppose to be. We love our church. I have never experienced church in quite this way. People growing together in Fuel Cells, actually helping people through life, no matter what they have done or where they come from. This church is more my family, than anyone has ever been in my life. It is the love of Christ that flows through the people, that lifted me up when I was down.
God confirmed to us one night in Shane and Mary's living room, that we were to serve together with them, and that is what we are here to do. God once again reminded me, that we are here to serve and be whatever we need to be for our pastor's and for our church family. I love my church, and the love they show to me and my family daily.
My friend once told me that her mom said to her, if you can't live close to family, find a good church where you live and they will be your family. I did not feel this way. I did not feel as though I was surrounded by family. When I think of family, I think of people that are going to love you no matter what. People that are there to help pick you up when you are down. People that can be your strength when you are weak. People that want to share life with you, laugh with you, cry with you, and pray with you.
I am reminded every March 31st, on my husbands birthday, of this low point in our life. No, not because it's my husbands birthday, but because it is also the same day that Shane and Mary's son passed away. It's been three years now, since little Nate passed away. I would love to say that I can tell you all of these wonderful stories about Nate, but truth is I had only met Nate once or twice. I do not think it is a coincidence that this happened on Matt's birthday, because it always stands as a reminder of where we were headed and where God has brought us to today.
You may be wondering what does Nate have to do with this story. As Shane and Mary know I can make a long story out of this, but I will try to give you the short version. Shane coached our son's t-ball team. We did not know Shane, honestly we did not know at first that he was a pastor. We knew he was a Christ follower, but was not your ordinary Pocola, OK pastor in a suit and tie. He was a normal Dad involved in his kid's lives. During the first weeks of t-ball practice, Nate got sick. In a very short period of time Nate was gone. Zach and Sammy were in class together, we offered to help get him to t-ball games and we began to watch a couple in the days and months to come, cope with the loss of their son. Matt and I were attending church, and had been attending the same church since the day we got married.
One reason we had never changed churches, we just didn't know of a place we really wanted to go to. Watching Shane and Mary over the course of the year after their sons loss, sparked something inside of me. I told my husband, I need to take our kids some where, so I'm going to take them to FBC on Sunday. The kids had attended VBS there and really liked it, so I thought we should try it. I came home energized, and constantly talking about the service and the people. Many of which are still with us at Fuel. They made me feel welcome from day one, and I knew that is where God wanted me to be. However, I am not the head of our home, luckily my spark, sparked something in my husband and together we went. I remember one Sunday Morning, we sat in service after a few short weeks, and my husband passed me a note that said, I am as sure that this is where we are suppose to be as I was sure about marrying you. We joined the church that day, and Mary hugged me afterwards and said, " I knew today was the day."
Every March 31st, I am reminded of the purpose of that little boys life. Every March 31st, I am reminded that God has placed us where we are suppose to be. We love our church. I have never experienced church in quite this way. People growing together in Fuel Cells, actually helping people through life, no matter what they have done or where they come from. This church is more my family, than anyone has ever been in my life. It is the love of Christ that flows through the people, that lifted me up when I was down.
God confirmed to us one night in Shane and Mary's living room, that we were to serve together with them, and that is what we are here to do. God once again reminded me, that we are here to serve and be whatever we need to be for our pastor's and for our church family. I love my church, and the love they show to me and my family daily.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I wish I could be there
I know I shouldn't be envious, but I am. All of the girls in my fuel cell have been bridal shopping with their sisters. Well, my niece is getting married next month. This is a wedding I have dreamed of. I have always wanted to be a part of this wedding. But I have not received an inviation or even a phone call or email. But my niece does not know me. It's a long story. Something I could never fix, something I could never change. But truly she does not know me. My heart desires to know her, to be a part of her life. But the truth is, she does not know me, and she is hurt by life far more than I can truly understand. So hurt, that she can not truly understand how much I truly love her and want to be a part of her life. But the truth is, this is her day. Not mine. I would do anything to be even a small part of it, but if me not being there makes it better day for her, then I would rather not be with her. Does that not make me think of her? Of course not. Anyone who knows me, knows my heart for her. It is not about me. I would do anything for her. Including not being at her wedding. As I listen to people who talk about Bride Zilla's. Understand that it is a blessing just to be a part of it. To be accepted, to be invited, to be able to dress shop and be a part of bridal showers. I would give anything for that right now. But my heart is for my niece and her happiness. If me not being there makes her day a little easier or a litter better, then it doesn't matter how much it hurts me. I pray that she has the most wonderful amazing day of her life. I pray that her marriage is one that lasts forever. I pray that she is happier than she has ever been. Be thankful for every part you get to play in a persons life. It is a blessing from God. Even if your part, is not being there. It may be really hard for me to understand, she doesn't know me, or to understand a hurt that is so deep in her heart. I would do anything to change that for her. I would do anything to change the last 20 years. But I can't. I couldn't change it then, and I couldn't change it now. Sometimes, other people have to pay the consequences for other people's actions. But, I will always love her, I will always hold her close to my heart. It is not her fault that she doesn't know me. I will love her forever, and pray for her forever. If that is the only role I play in her life, that is OK.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Melted.........
I know it's been a while since I have blogged. It was a funny kind of day for me. I came home from work and Matt picked up the kids. He came through the door fussing with Abby. Up until today, Abby had decided she did not want to go to the Winter Ball at school. But she had spent the day talking to friends, her friends were going and they had practiced their silly dances at school today during recess. One little girl cried at recess because her boyfriend was dancing with another girl during recess. For those of you who do not know, my daughter is in the first grade. However, tonight it seemed more like she was sixteen. I told Matt I would take her to the winter ball.
We sat down to eat dinner, and Matt and I were watching "Everybody Loves Raymond". Funny thing is, his daughter was invited to a formal dance. Everyone was going, and wearing beautiful formal dresses. Raymond took his daughter dress shopping, and the dress she needed for this formal affair was $250. He decided this was ridiculous, and he was not going to spend this kind of money on a dress for his young daughter to wear to a formal dance. To make a long story short, he feels bad for his daughter and doesn't want her to feel left out, so he goes behind his wife's back and buys the dress for his daughter. It is sweet to see a daughter melt her daddy's heart.
I saw my very own daughter do that to her daddy tonight. We picked a black dress out of her closet, fixed her, applied some glitter, and lip gloss. She was beautiful. Her daddy kept telling her, now I don't want you to dance with any boys. Just go and have fun with your friends. What I can't describe in words is the look on her daddy's face to see his daughter get dressed for her first dance. (we were not expecting this to happen for several more years). But I could see his heart melt as a he hugged his little girl. It was very sweet.
I took my daughter to this winter ball. We have never been before, so I didn't know what to expect. We just put on the prettiest dress in her closet and fixed her all up and off we went. We pulled into the school parking lot, and little girls were getting out in formal dresses, little boys in tuxedo's. That's when my heart melted. I didn't want my little girl to feel like that little girl on Everybody Loves Raymond. But I watched my daughter get out of the truck, and it was as if she didn't see what people were wearing. She was just excited to be there. We walked in and she found her friends. I watched them all dance, found out my daughter knows the mac arena, and just enjoyed being there.
A part of me wanted to cry, but I was so proud of her. Yes, she was beautiful in her very informal dress, but she was even more beautiful with every bit of fun that she had in her informal dress. It didn't matter what she had on, it didn't matter what her friends had on. They all took pictures together, danced together, and just enjoyed being with friends. To me that made her more beautiful than I can even describe to you.
That reminded me how we as Christians are suppose to be. We should never walk in admiring everyone else, or wishing we had what other people had. We should walk in with a good attitude. An attitude of joy, and love we have for each other. We should never be separated by what we wear, what job title we have, our intelligence or lack there of. It didn't matter if Abby's friends were rich, poor, or over weight. All she saw was a group of friends that she wanted to have fun with. The only way we can truly show the love of Christ, is to show our hearts. I am so proud of watching my daughter tonight.
We sat down to eat dinner, and Matt and I were watching "Everybody Loves Raymond". Funny thing is, his daughter was invited to a formal dance. Everyone was going, and wearing beautiful formal dresses. Raymond took his daughter dress shopping, and the dress she needed for this formal affair was $250. He decided this was ridiculous, and he was not going to spend this kind of money on a dress for his young daughter to wear to a formal dance. To make a long story short, he feels bad for his daughter and doesn't want her to feel left out, so he goes behind his wife's back and buys the dress for his daughter. It is sweet to see a daughter melt her daddy's heart.
I saw my very own daughter do that to her daddy tonight. We picked a black dress out of her closet, fixed her, applied some glitter, and lip gloss. She was beautiful. Her daddy kept telling her, now I don't want you to dance with any boys. Just go and have fun with your friends. What I can't describe in words is the look on her daddy's face to see his daughter get dressed for her first dance. (we were not expecting this to happen for several more years). But I could see his heart melt as a he hugged his little girl. It was very sweet.
I took my daughter to this winter ball. We have never been before, so I didn't know what to expect. We just put on the prettiest dress in her closet and fixed her all up and off we went. We pulled into the school parking lot, and little girls were getting out in formal dresses, little boys in tuxedo's. That's when my heart melted. I didn't want my little girl to feel like that little girl on Everybody Loves Raymond. But I watched my daughter get out of the truck, and it was as if she didn't see what people were wearing. She was just excited to be there. We walked in and she found her friends. I watched them all dance, found out my daughter knows the mac arena, and just enjoyed being there.
A part of me wanted to cry, but I was so proud of her. Yes, she was beautiful in her very informal dress, but she was even more beautiful with every bit of fun that she had in her informal dress. It didn't matter what she had on, it didn't matter what her friends had on. They all took pictures together, danced together, and just enjoyed being with friends. To me that made her more beautiful than I can even describe to you.
That reminded me how we as Christians are suppose to be. We should never walk in admiring everyone else, or wishing we had what other people had. We should walk in with a good attitude. An attitude of joy, and love we have for each other. We should never be separated by what we wear, what job title we have, our intelligence or lack there of. It didn't matter if Abby's friends were rich, poor, or over weight. All she saw was a group of friends that she wanted to have fun with. The only way we can truly show the love of Christ, is to show our hearts. I am so proud of watching my daughter tonight.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Proverbs Study Week Five
I fell of the wagon. It's time to get back on again. It has been a very hectic weekend. I babysat all weekend long. I want to thank everyone who came to Super Sunday. We had a great time, and lots of food. Unfortunate for the Cardinals fans though. This past week has been a great week with old friends, new friends, and rekindled friendships. I am thankful for all of our friends that God has blessed us with. I hope you guys are keeping warm. I have a quick prayer request: a customer came into the store today, he was an older gentlemen who has to take his wife to Little Rock for surgery. She has a mass in her stomach, and they do not know if it is cancer or not, but his heart was full of worry as he talked about his wife. She has nine siblings and all of them had died of cancer, and he's afraid of losing his wife as well.
Proverbs 10
Pro 10:1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.
Pro 10:2 Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit, but righteousness delivers from death.
Pro 10:3 The LORD does not let the righteous go hungry, but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.
Pro 10:4 A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.
Pro 10:5 He who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame.
Pro 10:6 Blessings are on the head of the righteous, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
Pro 10:7 The memory of the righteous is a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.
Pro 10:8 The wise of heart will receive commandments, but a babbling fool will come to ruin.
Pro 10:9 Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.
Pro 10:10 Whoever winks the eye causes trouble, but a babbling fool will come to ruin.
Pro 10:11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
Pro 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.
Pro 10:13 On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense.
Pro 10:14 The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near.
Pro 10:15 A rich man's wealth is his strong city; the poverty of the poor is their ruin.
Pro 10:16 The wage of the righteous leads to life, the gain of the wicked to sin.
Pro 10:17 Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray.
Pro 10:18 The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.
Pro 10:19 When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
Pro 10:20 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is of little worth.
Pro 10:21 The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense.
Pro 10:22 The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.
Pro 10:23 Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.
Pro 10:24 What the wicked dreads will come upon him, but the desire of the righteous will be granted.
Pro 10:25 When the tempest passes, the wicked is no more, but the righteous is established forever.
Pro 10:26 Like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is the sluggard to those who send him.
Pro 10:27 The fear of the LORD prolongs life, but the years of the wicked will be short.
Pro 10:28 The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish.
Pro 10:29 The way of the LORD is a stronghold to the blameless, but destruction to evildoers.
Pro 10:30 The righteous will never be removed, but the wicked will not dwell in the land.
Pro 10:31 The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue will be cut off.
Pro 10:32 The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.
......now go back and mark the words wise, wisdom,and fool. As well as mouth, words, lips, and tongue. The New Testament teaches us much about what comes out of our mouths and how that reveals what is in our hearts.
Now read the chapter again, marking righteous, wicked, life and death
Now list what you learned about the wise, the fool, and the wicked, and the righteous. As you make this list you will see how life, death, and the mouth relate to each group of people.
You may also want to write out the connections between wisdom and the righteous and between foolishness, and the wicked. These connections are important--don't miss them.
The Wise:
A wise son makes a glad father
The wise of heart will receive commandments
On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found
The wise lay up knowledge
but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding
The Fool:
but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.
but a babbling fool will come to ruin
but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense.
but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near
and whoever utters slander is a fool
but fools die for lack of sense.
Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool
The Wicked:
Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit
but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.
the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
the gain of the wicked to sin
the heart of the wicked is of little worth.
What the wicked dreads will come upon him
When the tempest passes, the wicked is no more
the years of the wicked will be short
the expectation of the wicked will perish
the wicked will not dwell in the land
the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.
The Righteous
righteousness delivers from death
he LORD does not let the righteous go hungry
Blessings are on the head of the righteous
The memory of the righteous is a blessing
The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,
The tongue of the righteous is choice silver
The lips of the righteous feed many,
the desire of the righteous will be granted
the righteous is established forever
The hope of the righteous brings joy
The righteous will never be removed
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable
Proverbs 10
Pro 10:1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.
Pro 10:2 Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit, but righteousness delivers from death.
Pro 10:3 The LORD does not let the righteous go hungry, but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.
Pro 10:4 A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.
Pro 10:5 He who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame.
Pro 10:6 Blessings are on the head of the righteous, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
Pro 10:7 The memory of the righteous is a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.
Pro 10:8 The wise of heart will receive commandments, but a babbling fool will come to ruin.
Pro 10:9 Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.
Pro 10:10 Whoever winks the eye causes trouble, but a babbling fool will come to ruin.
Pro 10:11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
Pro 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.
Pro 10:13 On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense.
Pro 10:14 The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near.
Pro 10:15 A rich man's wealth is his strong city; the poverty of the poor is their ruin.
Pro 10:16 The wage of the righteous leads to life, the gain of the wicked to sin.
Pro 10:17 Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray.
Pro 10:18 The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.
Pro 10:19 When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
Pro 10:20 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is of little worth.
Pro 10:21 The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense.
Pro 10:22 The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.
Pro 10:23 Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.
Pro 10:24 What the wicked dreads will come upon him, but the desire of the righteous will be granted.
Pro 10:25 When the tempest passes, the wicked is no more, but the righteous is established forever.
Pro 10:26 Like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is the sluggard to those who send him.
Pro 10:27 The fear of the LORD prolongs life, but the years of the wicked will be short.
Pro 10:28 The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish.
Pro 10:29 The way of the LORD is a stronghold to the blameless, but destruction to evildoers.
Pro 10:30 The righteous will never be removed, but the wicked will not dwell in the land.
Pro 10:31 The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue will be cut off.
Pro 10:32 The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.
......now go back and mark the words wise, wisdom,and fool. As well as mouth, words, lips, and tongue. The New Testament teaches us much about what comes out of our mouths and how that reveals what is in our hearts.
Now read the chapter again, marking righteous, wicked, life and death
Now list what you learned about the wise, the fool, and the wicked, and the righteous. As you make this list you will see how life, death, and the mouth relate to each group of people.
You may also want to write out the connections between wisdom and the righteous and between foolishness, and the wicked. These connections are important--don't miss them.
The Wise:
A wise son makes a glad father
The wise of heart will receive commandments
On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found
The wise lay up knowledge
but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding
The Fool:
but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.
but a babbling fool will come to ruin
but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense.
but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near
and whoever utters slander is a fool
but fools die for lack of sense.
Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool
The Wicked:
Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit
but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.
the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
the gain of the wicked to sin
the heart of the wicked is of little worth.
What the wicked dreads will come upon him
When the tempest passes, the wicked is no more
the years of the wicked will be short
the expectation of the wicked will perish
the wicked will not dwell in the land
the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.
The Righteous
righteousness delivers from death
he LORD does not let the righteous go hungry
Blessings are on the head of the righteous
The memory of the righteous is a blessing
The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,
The tongue of the righteous is choice silver
The lips of the righteous feed many,
the desire of the righteous will be granted
the righteous is established forever
The hope of the righteous brings joy
The righteous will never be removed
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable
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